I’m pleased to announce a truly amazing toilet breakthrough. Get this, ladies: A motion-sensor activated plastic toilet seat cover that rotates a fresh, clean surface to every bathroom patron. We’re talking cutting edge technology here!
Lynne and I made this discovery at O’Hare Airport, after our recent trip to the Richmond, Virginia Acquire the Fire event. Please indulge us this description, as we are small town girls who have just experienced a big city solution to this problem of all women.
I entered the stall and stared at the contraption in disbelief. This is too good to be true, I thought. This could revolutionize bathrooms across America.
No more graceless squatting over a public commode. No portioning out of toilet paper that soaks through in spots and needs to be reinforced. No more accidental paper fall-ins and gross encounters of the germy kind.
I was leery at first. Was this new-fangled plastic cover actually sanitary and fresh? I hit the auto rotator and observed the generous new application. I then sat as a queen upon her throne.
I realized that, if a home version were to be released, this could bring hope and harmony to families across the land. No more arguments between husbands and wives over toilet etiquette. No more accusations and ludicrous investigations between brothers and sisters as to who sabotaged the toilet seat!
We were two elated schoolgirls departing from the restroom with a skip. We adjourned to the food court and carefully chose our celebration lunch of stir-fried beef with fried rice and a falafel sandwich. Yes, we know; we mixed our ethnic dishes.
We dined while waiting for our connecting flight, reflecting on our successful trip. We enjoyed dreaming up big plans for our budding POTTS (Parents of Tweens and Teens) groups. We could hear God’s call to connect and unite our new friends. We discussed meeting ideas and email systems to ignite a movement to empower parents.
We had plenty of time…we thought. Maybe it was the fact that our plane had sat on the runway for fifteen minutes after we arrived. We’d made the remarkable toilet seat discovery, I’d take a phone call from our new friend Pam, and we had taken some time to decide on our lunch choices.
Suddenly I looked at my watch and was horrified to discover that we were minutes away from missing our flight. We raced down the two long corridors to gate K15 to discover the door closed and hear the last boarding call.
“By the skin of your teeth!” remarked one of the gate agents, as they mercifully opened the door for us and quickly scanned our boarding passes. We scurried to our seats, grateful that we didn’t have to call home and try to explain how two grown women with a 90 minute layover had missed their flight.
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