I Found the Sexual Abuser’s Love Notes Last Week

Lisa Cherry —  June 6, 2012

I was cleaning out my dresser last week when I ran across some papers I had hidden in the back of the drawer.

They were the dialogues we found nine years ago in our computer’s history—the sordid record of how a 46-year-old family friend wormed his way into the heart of our then 15-year-old daughter Kalyn.

My heart sank as I read those sickening words once again. I love your beautiful hair was intertwined with sweetie and I love you.  My stomach churned afresh as I read it. I suddenly remembered why I had hidden them back in the deepest corner for no one to see.

As the Sandusky trial begins this week, I was not a bit surprised at the news today of the "love letters" that would be presented by the victims as evidence of Mr. Sandusky's illegal activity. I remember hoping that those same internet letters I had buried in my drawer would have been entered in our court proceedings.

I wanted to scream to the jury, "Can you not see how this man tricked my child? His subtle tactics of attention, flattery and ‘neediness’ lured her into his web of deceit?! Her teenage mind was defenseless against his charm."

I can only imagine what the victims and their families are going through as they enter into the world's stage. Will their stories be believed? Will the public laugh at the manipulation that defiled their young souls?

I am sure we will in the coming days hear more of the grisly details than we need to hear. But before we just sensationalize the plot for the sake of sordid entertainment, perhaps we could redeem some of the proceedings for the Lord's purposes.

Perhaps we, as parents, will come to recognize what my husband and I did not understand...the trail of missed clues of the grooming behaviors that would have uncovered the predator in our midst.

I will be watching this case and praying. Watching to learn and praying for both the victims in Pennsylvania as well as the victims hidden in every corner of the globe. Will you join me?

Perhaps your family has been touched in some way with the tragedy of abuse. If so, I want to hear from you. I believe the Lord is calling us together to say...NO MORE!

By Lisa Cherry, author of Unmask the Predators: The Battle to Protect Your Child

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Linking up with Living Well Wednesdays, Thought Provoking Thursday, Deep Roots at Home, Weekend Whatever, and Visionary Link up.

  • http://hopeanways.wordpress.com hopefulfuture21

    I found your post through a link up (can't remember which...)

    I am not the parent of a child that suffered abuse, but rather I was the one abused as a teen. I'm so glad that you are standing beside your daughter and not blaming her for the abuse!! that is so wonderful <3 and sadly, rare.

    I don't know the extent of what happened in your situation, but I will share this from my experience... I didn't know how much what had happend affected me, until after I was married, then, things crawled back into my memories that made intimacy feel wrong and any sort of touching (even hugs etc) from my hubby was "bad" in my mind bringing back flash backs of the past at the hands of my abuser...

    Counseling and EMDR therapy helped a lot, but it is still something I'm working through, learning that romance and love etc. is not "bad" since the first taste I had of it was a negative sinful one (unknowingly, in my mind I had equated anything that felt like that with BAD/wrong)... I wish that I had gotten counseling and was able to work through those issues BEFORE I got married, but since I didn't realize they were there I didn't... Just sharing those thoughts in case it is something you may want to talk to your daughter about or consider counseling for her.. (maybe you already have, and I'm not trying to imply that you aren't doing what's best for your daughter as every case is different, but just sharing a bit of my experience, from the perspective of the one abused...)

    I'm not open about all my experiences with this on my blog (because family members that don't know what happened read it) but I am open and willing to talk about it with people if it can help other people who have been abused or know some one who has.

    would love to connect with you somehow if you want :)

    paula

    • http://frontlinemama.wordpress.com frontlinemama

      Paula,

      I am so glad you wrote me. I would love to continue our discussion. Sadly so many are challenged with this issue as you know. I am so glad you have found help. I meet so many women who have never shared their stories and continue to live in such pain in their marriage. Kalyn is now happily married and, yes, her abuse issues were something she had to work through. Fortunately she had done quite a bit of healing and "rebuilding" before marriage. It is very sad to me how much the abuser stole of her normal responses. However, Jesus can and does heal. Our new book is out in the last couple weeks called Unmask the Predators. Would you join us in praying more kids can be protected and victims can be healed by this project?

  • http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/ Laurie Collett

    Thanks so much for sharing your experience and shedding light on this important issue. Your blog is a blessing and I am now following it by email, and I invite you to follow mine, Saved by Grace:
    http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/
    Love in Him,
    Laurie Collett

    • http://frontlinemama.wordpress.com frontlinemama

      Laurie, I am so glad to meet you and yes, I would love to follow your blog. I will be doing more writing about this issue in the next several weeks as we just released our new book and are praying we can protect more children! Our hope is to increase awareness with the back to school season. Blessings to you and your family.

  • Kathy

    Hi I foud your site through a friend of mine. We are both youth leaders in our church and are hoping to start Potts also. I am a mom to a daughter that was molested by my husband her step father. That was 17 years ago and we are still working through it. Thankfuly he plead guilty so she would not have to go through the court battle. He was in prison for 10 years and now is out. We have a 16 year old son together. Yes, I was preagnant when I found out. I know exactly how that wrench in your stomace fills when you come across something, hear of something about then, or about someone else going through it. I think we will always feel that. We do need more education out there. Not only for our children but also for parents. Parents are to busy anymore and the internet is taking over. We used to use out TV as our babysitter but now it's the internet and it is even more dangerous. I wish more parents would take controle. I am so blessed to have found you. It's nice to find someone who is willing to talk about their expieence and listen to others. I have tried to talk about it and a lot of otheres feel it's taboo! So thank you so much for being honest.
    Kathy

    • http://frontlinemama.wordpress.com frontlinemama

      Kathy, it is so good to hear from you. I am sorry we share the problem of abuse in common but I am so grateful the Lord is healing our kids. Please let me know how we can help you with your POTTS group. Have you subscribed to Frontlinemoms yet? I will be posting frequently on issues to equip parents. Be sure and invite all your POTTS parents to sign up also. Many of these posts can be used as extra discussion material for your group. God bless you and your family.

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