Should Finding a Mate Be Like Buying a Pair of Shoes?

Lisa Cherry —  January 27, 2013

Red patent heels from back 761050_red_shoes_heels_2By Lisa Cherry

I have teenage girls who love to go shopping.

Mom, I just found the most adorable pair of shoes! I fell in love with them the moment I saw them. I just haaaaaave to get them, mom!

So daughter, do they fit you well?

Well, mom, that is not really the most important thing. They only have a size smaller than I need but that's fiiiiiiiiinnnnnee, mom! I'll just not wear socks.

Honey, blisters are no fun! You are liable to regret that decision. You really need to wait on a better suited pair.

Oh, but mom! These are on sale! And the sale goes off tomorrow. And I really want them.....PLEASE?

If you choose them, you will wear them. This will be your main dress pair and I am not spending money on another.....

So how does this story usually end at your house? What does a mom do? Give in? Figure the daughter has to learn her own lesson? Make her wear them even if they do not fit?

Or should she rescue her daughter's feet even if she had given her daughter the power to choose?

Now take this common little scenario and raise the stakes. What if the daughter, instead of buying shoes, was shopping for her future spouse?

Our kids today are being raised in a culture where our "romantic practices" are too similar to shoe buying:

Try on the one that impulsively catches your eye
Wear it around to see how it feels
Buy it if it "seems" to fit good enough and look the way we want
Take it home and use it for a season
Store it in the closet or discard when "done"
Go back to the shoe store and start over with a new pair.

Here is the huge difference in our analogy. People have minds and souls that get damaged, while shoes do not! When we "try on" people, we often use them for our own pleasure and comfort.

Let's consider these words.....

Do nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit, but in humility consider the interest of others better than yourselves.  Philippians 2:3 not self seeking.   1 Corinthians 13: 5

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in her heart.          Matthew 5: 28

Our dating/romantic techniques should not defraud our neighbor, steal from their future marriage, or cause either party to lust.  A tall order, isn't it?

Frontline families who are building a spiritual ark to save their family from the flood of dissipation in this world must be willing to reassess these foundational motivations for relationships.

How can we as believers in Jesus demonstrate our love for our neighbor

as we find God's choice for a spouse? I would love to hear your ideas!

Image courtesy of Leandro Gomes Moreira

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Will Your Kids Find the Right Mate? Here are the rest of the posts in this series:

Will Your Kids Find the Right Mate?
Two of Our Kids Found Romance!
Can We Divorce-proof Our Kids? Ten Strategies for Parents
The Word that Makes Us Bristle: Can We Divorce-Proof Our Kids, Part 2
Ten Things I Teach My Sons about Girls
You Can't Make Me! Teens, Romance, and Rules
The Top Ten Things I Want My Daughters to Know about Boys


Don’t miss this special sale on our Hot Romance DVD:

It's now only $10.00, which is half price.  Now through February 14 at our store.

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Gratefully linked to Modest Mondays    Marital Oneness Mondays     Mama Moments Mondays    Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday   The Better Mom    Welcome Home    Titus 2 Tuesdays    True Stories   Titus 2sdays

  • Heather Anderson

    This is a great analogy and an important topic to talk about.  Just because one method has been accepted for a while doesn't mean that it is the best or even acceptable.  It takes courage to take a different approach.

    • Lisa Cherry

       Heather, you are so right! We've done this thing the same way so long it's hard to do a new thing.

  • Hazel Moon

    you do not want shoes that pinch or cause blisters, or permanently deformed
    feet. I hope you do not give in when your girls whine and beg for something
    that will harm them.


    on get them into a class on Christian Marriage, and for just being practical,
    teach your girls to smile, to be friendly, and to watch their mouth. Men like a
    girl to speak up but not like one that talks incessantly or uses bad-tempered, complaining


    Camp, Church youth activities are a good place to meet the opposite sex.
    Shopping for a man is not a good idea unless you are at God’s Christian Wedding
    store...  (One of my daughters found her husband at a Christian Dating Site)  So with God all things are possible.

    Thanks for sharing at "Tell Me a Story."

    • Lisa Cherry

      Good ideas, Helen. Thanks for your insight! And no, I don't give my children's chagrin!
      Sent from my iPad

  • Mynnette Kitchen

    This is wonderful!  I will be sharing this on Facebook!  LOVE this analogy!  HUGS and love sent your way! :)

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  • carrotqueen

    My question would be . . . are you raising your daughter so that she needs you to vet all her shoe choices, or are you raising her to pay attention to her own needs and manage her own resources so that she knows how to make a good decision for herself? My goal is to raise children who can hear from God and assess relationships for themselves.

    • Lisa Cherry

      You raise an interesting question. You are exactly right that she needs
      to learn to hear from God and assess relationships herself. I would
      suggest not taking my analogy too literally!

      However after raising teenagers for a number of years, I am finding they still need our wisdom input. So the point is, to find a way to keep the door of communication
      open so that wisdom comes in the right way, in the right timing, and for the right purpose. Does that make sense?

      I have seen so many of my parenting peers struggle with finding a way to inject input in on this important issue....... Because they lost the pattern of wise counsel
      years before.

  • Lynne6

    I agree. If we follow the dating practices of the culture, someone will get used, or hurt, or fall into sin. The challenge is getting our children to recognize this.

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