When Romance Hurts: 10 Truths for our Sons and Daughters to Consider

Lisa Cherry —  February 19, 2013

yin yang
By Lisa Cherry

Romance is often imaged by a bed of roses. And I think I know why. In romance, sweetness is often mixed with thorns!

Because we strive to lead our children toward God honoring marriages that are built to last, we need to ponder the reality of pain in the relationship process. As parents, we hate to see our own children suffer.

But as we realize that suffering is what often produces the most dynamic growth, we are forced once again to do the hard but right thing. Allow them to learn like we did!

1. Finding a Godly mate involves risk. Risk of rejection. Risk of mistakes, and risk of failure.

2. A prudent person seeking a Godly relationship will maximize the chance for success, while minimizing the risk of failure/hurt. Find your family's method that allows agape love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) to lead your heart and not Eros (erotic desires.)

3. Adolescence is a season in our lives when everything feels like it revolves around us and our self-identified flaws. Building a relationship on a foundation of two people's insecurity and self-seeking needs is a recipe for pain. That's one reason why waiting until adolescence passes and young adulthood comes before entering into courtship/dating makes the greatest sense. If your need for someone exceeds your desire to give to someone, you are not ready for your mate!

4. Getting hurt is no fun. But hurting another person is torturous. Ask the Lord to help you walk in His principles so you will live a life without regrets for your own behaviors toward others.

5. Every method for finding a spouse—including courtship—involves some risk for disappointment and pain.
Learning to handle disappointment and pain is good training for the reality of married life that has its shares of bumps and scrapes.

6. New relationships always go through an "awkward" stage. In courtship, we can call it "friending" where no one is ready to make a commitment just yet and each person must learn to guard their own hearts. But let's get real. Who enjoys awkward when it is unclear whether the relationship will last?

7. Giving your heart, your relationships, and your future decisions to the Lord and then expecting Him to direct your steps is prudent. Trust Him to guide and be willing to receive His wise answers through the voice of your parents and other authorities. He might say "no" when your heart screams "yes."  Or He might say "yes" when your heart says "I don't want to risk getting hurt." He is your best matchmaker!

8. Forgive freely. When others make mistakes or when we ourselves hurt another, the healing will only come when we release the offense and allow our hearts to be made clean and whole again. (Ephesians 4:32)

9. When you enter a relationship with the intent to find God's choice of a spouse for you, you will either be building a lifetime foundation with your future marriage partner.....or playing around with the emotions of someone else's future husband or wife. Set your heart to honor them just as you would want someone else to guard your spouse's feelings.

10. Learning to hear your Daddy's voice is your highest priority for Godly romance
. Your Heavenly Father reveals Himself as the healer of broken hearts. (Psalm 147:3). Run to Him—not your friends or another romance—to do what only He can do best.

These 10 keys are best shared BEFORE they are needed in the lives of our kids!

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The photo at the top of this post, “Yin Yang” is copyright (c) 2004 by Macrophile and made available under an Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

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I’ve extended our Valentine’s Day contest until Friday, February 22.  There’s still time for you to win a copy of Hot Romance.  Read more about it here.  To enter leave a comment on any post dated February 10 through 22.

But you don’t have to wait for the drawing.  Hot Romance is on sale!

It's only $10.00, which is half price.  Now through February 22 at our store.

God yearns to pour out His blessing of love to all who will receive it, and the Hot Romance DVD will give you the tools to start this discussion with your teens.

Hot romance front


This post is part of my series Will Your Kids Find the Right Mate? Here are the rest of the posts in this series:


Will Your Kids Find the Right Mate?
Two of Our Kids Found Romance!
Can We Divorce-proof Our Kids? Ten Strategies for Parents
The Word that Makes Us Bristle: Can We Divorce-Proof Our Kids, Part 2
Should Finding a Mate Be Like Buying a Pair of Shoes?
Ten Things I Teach My Sons about Girls
You Can’t Make Me!  Teens, Romance, and Rules
The Top Ten Things I Want My Daughters to Know about Boys

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Gratefully linked to

Top Ten Tuesday    Works for Me Wednesday    Encourage One Another      Titus 2sdays    Wholehearted Home Wednesday   Wifey Wednesday  Thriving Thursday  Titus 2 Tuesdays    Loving our Children Tuesday

  • http://www.facebook.com/BarbaraIsaacCroce Barbara Isaac Croce

    Excellent! Thank you.

  • Lynne Davis

    Good advice Lisa!  I especially agree with # 9: "you will either be building a lifetime foundation with your future marriage partner.....or playing around with the emotions of someone else's future husband or wife." If It's tough to get teens to face this when they are experiencing the thrill of romance.  But we must try to communicate this to them.

  • http://wholehearte-home.blogspot.com/ Judith

    Thank you for sharing this post over at WholeHearted Home this week. I especially liked the example of the thorns.