A Double Life, Part 3: When the Secret is Out~Three Important Things to Do

Lisa Cherry —  September 8, 2013

Double life 3 silhouette 4831810619_f2cfabafb4

By Lisa Cherry

If you are not prepared to discover your child's disturbing secret, you could make a devastating error in your response to the problem.

I know, because I did.

When you find out the precious child you love has a secret double life, your world is turned upside down. In fact, it felt to me like I had suddenly stepped onto the movie screen of someone else's story.

I was shocked, horrified, devastated, afraid, hurt, wounded, grieved, alarmed, angry, depressed, ....and did I say shocked?

Obviously, with all those emotions rushing my mind at once, it would be easy to not be on my best parenting game! And that's the problem!

A crisis is a crisis because it comes as an unwelcome, urgent intruder!!

So what can we do as parents to help guard against parental errors when the stakes are so high?

(Honestly, you need to get a copy of my family's book Unmask the Predators if you want my full answer to this question! I feel uneasy about throwing out a few tips without directing you to my best, well thought out answer! But here is a taste....)

1.  Stop

Usually, but not always, crisis scenes feel like they demand an immediate response. However, this is often untrue. We so badly want out of our pain and to be rid of the problem that we can be hasty in the heat of the moment. Hit the pause button! Give yourself, your child, and God time to work.

2. Drop

Drop the false expectations. Many Christian parents today are facing unfair tough battles. Know you will immediately feel like the colossal parental failure you always feared you would be. Resist this attack of the enemy over your mind.  Errors may be true. But you cannot afford emotionally charged responses that paralyze your ability to hear God's voice.

3. Pray

When our world collapsed with our daughter's revelation of a secret relationship with a 46 year old family friend, we did not do what I am advising you to do next. We should have sent Kalyn to her room for a bit to allow us time to regain our composure and pray for His words of response to our daughter. I would love to go back and replay that scene!

I know my God! He responded to our cries for help. But we spoke too many words before our time of prayer! And those words cost us and our daughter dearly.

See links to more helpful posts on this topic at the end of this post.

Parents, we may face some tense moments before our children launch from our homes. This is a season of great turmoil. But our Heavenly Father is right here with us empowering us to lead our children through this cultural land-mine.

I am praying intentionally for you and your family today. And please know I would count it an honor to hear and agree with your family's specific prayer requests!


Image Source: Ivan Dervisevic
Flickr Creative Commons  License: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic

 Related posts:

A Double Life: 13 Ways to Detect if your Child is Hiding Something
A Double Life, Part 2: The Breakthrough Prayer to Pray Over Your Kids

10 Keys to Confronting Your Child on Tough, Hot-Button Issues
Am I Ready for a Parenting Crisis?

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LInked to

The Better Mom
Making your Home Sing Monday
Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday
Modest Mondays
Titus 2sdays
Teach Me Tuesdays
Titus 2 Tuesdays

  • Shelly Miller

    Some great words of encouragement and advice. Though I've been in ministry for nearly 25 years now, I awoke today with a heavy heart with the level of pain and hardship so many people deal with. I'm not sure how anyone lives without knowing Christ.

    • http://www.frontlinefamilies.org/ Lisa Cherry

      Thank you for stopping by. Yes, I agree. Life without Christ is a desolate land.

  • disqus_xbJH2YyfXB

    Please pray for me that after I stop drop and pray I would then be fully engaged in the battle for my children. When you pray God will give instructions. I need consistency, persistence, and obedience to his Word. Bind distractions, fear, and complacency. These are used to paralyze me in the midst of the battle. Thank You

  • smaso4

    Just been reading this today. We have learned of our daughters dark secret on her birthday, she turned 19. She's been in a toxic relationship with a boy for 2 years now. It's caused a lot of problems in our family because we've tried to help her out of this kind of relationship. i saw many of those 13 signs but never ever thought that my daughter would tell me she was pregnant by a text message! We are devastated but we also warned her of having sex before marriage and unprotected sex at that. Parents, we just can't think that just because our kids are raised in Christian homes that we are exempt from these kinds of things. We have pastored for 15 + years and had all the talks about drugs, sex, alcohol.... u name it. But now this. As a Mom I feel so hurt for her, that she's having to deal with this reality that she's pregnant. They are both so young and not financially able to take on this responsibility. Please..... we desire your prayers on what we should and should not do at this point.