Guest Post by Beth Groh
Distracted to Death, Part II
So your patient is still reading…no big deal. We can fix that.
First, nudge his online searches into commentaries that cast the Enemy’s word into the light of science through psychology or mysticism.
He’ll quickly grab onto those ideas, too, because they’re familiar. You know he has already been introduced to some of our ideas about that in school—how all religions are created equal and how there’s no one “right way” but just a lot of variations of many ways to reach a perfected state. The J-word is avoided at all costs in schools unless our Enemy is “dumbed-down” into being just some historical figure or teacher.
Yes, I know that invoking His name can stop us cold in our tracks. Just don’t let your patient catch wind of that, OK, and you won’t have a problem.
(I digress…but have you ever considered what a genius Our Father is? Instead of fighting the Enemy head on, he lures people into thinking the Enemy’s views were just one of many valid “truths.” BRILLIANT! This whole “coexist” thing cons people into thinking there’s truth in all religions. So they believe—or, sometimes, literally worship—EVERYTHING, not realizing that believing in everything is actually believing in nothing.)
Your patient shouldn’t have much trouble falling along those same lines. He has been prepared for that his whole life by much of his education and, certainly, through our friends in the media.
If he wavers in buying into the whole “relativism” thing, then you still have other tactics. Next, you get him to watch some of our favorite TV shows or websites that discredit the authenticity of the Bible. You just have to remind him that man wrote it, carefully blocking any thoughts that might try to creep in about the Enemy’s spirit directing all those words. We know the truth, but he sure doesn’t need to.
So you task is simple: A) Fuel your patient’s pride by encouraging him to think his ideas are superior to the Enemy’s written words. B) If that fails, direct him towards other sources that discredit the validity and authority of the Enemy’s word. C) Inflate his ego so that he thinks his interpretations trump the literal words of the Bible. (Remind him, after all, that the Enemy created his brain so it’s perfectly fine to exalt reason.)
It’s so simple even a first-year minion could do it. So keep at it…
Your affectionate uncle,
Chill out, young man. Joining a church doesn’t mean much.
After all, where do you think we often do our best work? In the bars? No, in the churches!
We love stirring up strife. We love discrediting our Enemy by causing people who claim his name to hurt others. We love to sow doubts in the minds of believers.
This is our home turf, Gall, so don’t get all defeatist.
First of all, you need to assess the Enemy’s playing field. Frankly, some churches are no threat at all because they’re more like social clubs where people come to show off their cross necklaces and carry around nearly new Bibles that rarely get read. You can go to some churches and not even see a cross. (I guess someone thinks it might “offend”?)
If your young man is going to one of these “feel good” churches, then you won’t have much to worry about either.
All you have to do is wait for that day when he doesn’t “feel good” and blames it on the church or, better yet, the Enemy. All you have to do is nudge someone in his life to stab him in the back, give him a bad grade, get him in trouble at school.
One little calamity in life and he’ll blame the Enemy…and your work is nearly done. The worst case is that you may need to tempt someone into committing a blatant sin so that he or she is exposed as a hypocrite. That often does the trick.
If your patient is in one of those churches that preaches “I’m OK, You’re OK” theology, then you don’t have much of a threat either. All you have to do is stir his revulsion if he hears someone talking about sin or using some other such word that might suggest judgment. (It’s downright comical! They preach tolerance, but can’t tolerate those who preach the Enemy’s true words. We don’t have to lift a finger because they do all the discrediting for us. Sweet!)
Churches like these foster ideas that the Enemy is truly all about love: love, love, love, love. While that makes me want to puke, it is truly music to my ears because it glosses over judgment and sin, which makes the Enemy’s sacrifice on the cross irrelevant. “Sin” thus becomes a “porcupine word” that might hurt someone’s feelings. They just ignore what the Enemy calls “Law” and skip straight to their watered down version of “Gospel.” (Fits so neatly into our plans, eh?!)
After all, they reason, a loving “god” wouldn’t create hell. Therefore, we’re nothing more than red-suited, pitchfork-carrying cartoon figures conjured up by simple minds. (Foolish souls…how can they fight an Enemy they don’t think exists!)
Now if he’s in one of those other filthy buildings—where sniveling souls actually teach and believe the Enemy’s word—then you will need to seek the advice of me and others who cut our fangs snatching souls back in the bad ol’ days. We had to truly earn our quotas by much craftier deception than is often required today.
So do your reconnaissance and report back to me. We’ll develop a battle plan then.
Your affectionate uncle,
So this is worse than I thought, you little screw up. How did you let this go so far?
I told you from the beginning that all you had to do with your patient was to distract, distract, distract. Keep him glued to TV. Chained to his phone. Gripped by his ungodly friends.
You let that opportunity slip through your fingers. (Maybe you were too busy playing some of those video games, too, eh?!)
Then you let him go to that disgusting Enemy concert…which led him to the Enemy’s word…which led him to church…which, ultimately, led him to a church where people actually taught him how to avoid minions like you.
So now we have an all-out battle ahead, thanks to your ineptitude in coaxing him along the smooth path to Our Father’s kingdom.
Frankly, I’m not sure we can win him back unless he makes an outright renouncement of his faith in the Enemy. He already had the nerve to specifically renounce Our Father and His works, asking the Enemy to protect him from our every move.
His soul may be lost. But we still have hope because we can derail his efforts to snare others.
(Don’t think for a minute, though, that this won’t go on your record. You disgraced yourself and our family by letting this one slip through. You know what happens, too, when Our Father finds out who cost him a soul.)
Your only hope of redemption at this stage is to blunt his message. That takes us back to the first and most basic tactic (which you failed to fully utilize, I might add): DISTRACTION.
His syrupy sweet family must start to become his focus. He needs to put his wife and kids first, before his devotion to the Enemy.
You need to throw success or failure in his way, so he either gets obsessed with earning more earthly fame or money, or cowers in fear over not providing for his family.(Yes, I know what you’re thinking. The Enemy promises to meet all those needs. But he doesn’t need to dwell on that and you can surely find a way to make him doubt it.)
He needs to be distracted against the Enemy’s playbook (the Bible) as often as possible. When he does pick it up, you need to lure his mind onto other matters or, once again, renew your efforts to have him exalt his reason over the message.
You also need to discourage him at every turn when he sees our successes, particularly with the young people of today. Keep telling him, “One man can’t make a difference.” He will soon grow weary of any efforts and learn to keep his thoughts to himself.
In the meantime, we’re working to stir the forces of persecution in this nation so that sappy souls like him will be put to the test for what they believe. Luckily for us, many will fail when asked to choose between the Enemy and their pride, their reputation, their livelihood, their homes, their families, or their lives.
A little ridicule and belittling goes a long way in keeping the Enemy camp quiet.
Better yet, Our Father is crafting ways to make these weak-minded losers not even realize they’re cheapening their faith. Inch by inch, Our Father is making them more dependent on man-made bureaucracies for their daily bread, instead of what they profess on Sundays as their Bread of Life. Soon, they’ll just love the Enemy’s creations and think little about the Creator. (It won’t take long either. Look how much progress we’ve made in other parts of the world where belief in the Enemy is negligible.)
So, yes, dear Gall, we have many battles ahead. So learn from this failure and apply those lessons on the next patient. As Our Father gains influences in the culture, our work becomes easier.
Your affectionate uncle,