Archives For Parenting Teens

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By Lisa Cherry

I am an adult. I see things from an adult perspective. From that vantage point I expect other people who are my size to see things the way I do.

But teens just don't get it. Not on their own anyway.

They must have more of life explained to them than what we care to believe.

It is obvious to us that intentionally sitting next to a boy at youth meeting and then laughing at his jokes with a tilted head could make him think you are after him. It is not obvious to a twelve year old girl.

It is obvious to us that having teenage friends in a car with you could make you drive faster. But not to a sixteen year old who thinks he would never be irresponsible.

It is obvious that a call home would be in order if you were held up 30 minutes by road construction when you went out on a bike ride alone. But not for a fourteen year old who figured you wouldn't want to be bothered by phone.

We cannot expect teens to "get it" if we did not intentionally "give it." The wisdom. The knowledge. The experience. The rules.

That's what makes this stage of parenting so much more demanding than any other stage. And also more rewarding!

 

This post is part of my series about potholes:  pitfalls that can really jerk your car off the parenting road. These are road hazards that I can personally testify about, because I have fallen into some of them myself!  Here are the other posts in this series:

Avoiding Parent Pitfall #1: Too Much Too Soon
Avoiding Parent Pitfall #2: Flattering Your Child

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Image: Drew Herron “three creeks” Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

 

Narcissus-Caravaggio_(1594-96)_edited

By Lisa Cherry

We are destroying the work ethic of a generation.

Time Magazine calls this the ME ME ME Generation…  The Millennials who are stuck on the concept of being rewarded not for achievement... but for just showing up.

We parents have learned from the experts the importance of praise and encouragement to our kids.

But if we fall into using what the Bible calls a flattering tongue, we will spread a net for our own kids.

Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor rather than one who has a flattering tongue.   Proverbs 28:23

Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet.  Proverbs 29:5

Honest praise and truthful encouragement feeds the soul of a child, while flattery manipulates the emotions and deceives the mind.

Image:  Narcissus-Caravaggio (1594-96) edited Wikipedia

 
pothole sign 8352434027_6b605fab06

 

 

 

This post is part of my series about potholes:  pitfalls that can really jerk your car off the parenting road. These are road hazards that I can personally testify about, because I have fallen into some of them myself!  Here is the first post in this series:

 Avoiding Parent Pitfall #1: Too Much Too Soon

Image: "Road Sign" by oatsy40 via Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Gratefully linked to:
Faith Filled Friday
Women With Purpose

Student female -2  in class 8081866307_ab175f549c

By Lisa Cherry

Looking for a great comeback to what your kids could be hearing about sex before marriage from teachers at school or among their own friends? 

I loved Matt Walsh's response to a letter from a teen wondering what to do with his teacher’s proclamations that "sex can be casual" and "abstinence is unrealistic".

This may be a great letter to share with your teens who are subject to mixed messages!

 

Image source: Woodley Wonder Works “Listening in science and math” via Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Related posts:
80% of Young Evangelical Singles Having Sex? Is Abstinence Dead?
Sex is Just Sex, if We’re Just Apes
Don’t Miss It: Straight Talk in a Sex-saturated Culture
Cohabitation: the New Dating?

Linked to
Women Helping Women
Making your Home Sing Monday
Modest Mondays
Titus 2sdays

pothole sign 8352434027_6b605fab06

By Lisa Cherry

I love it when people who have traveled a stretch of highway ahead of me call me to warn me of the road hazards I'm likely to encounter.

Today marks the beginning of a new series of short posts here on Frontline Moms and Dads. Think of it as a series about potholes....some of which I can personally testify can jerk your car off the parenting road!

Pitfall # 1:

 Too Much Too Soon

Over promotion is painful to reverse.

Bestowing privileges before maturity is achieved is a recipe for disaster.

Children/teens can be ruined when given too much too soon. Just check out the young Hollywood stars.

Taking away is much tougher than delaying giving.

Not every child in every family will mature at the same rate.

So.....avoid setting firm pronouncements in your family like "when our kids have their 16th birthday, we will go right away to the drivers’ license station."

Instead, lead your kids to view that a drivers’ license will come when maturity is demonstrated....sometime after the 16 milestone.

Hold your options open. Listen to the Holy Spirit's wisdom.

More articles on parenting teens:
Teenage Anger: It Makes Me So Mad!
A Double Life: 13 Ways to Detect if your Child is Hiding Something
Teen Rebellion: Helping Your Teen Overcome This Temptation

Linked to
Faith Filled Friday
Fellowship Fridays

volcano 220px-04Sep2007_Etna_from_SE_Crater

By Lisa Cherry

Can you relate to my title? How funny but how true!

May I be so personal as to offer you an inside look at how this mom (who has launched three out of the teen years but still lives with six teens and tweens today) handles the above dilemma?  

OK, I will only tell you my best tips for when I handle the teenage anger well! We don't really want to hear about the other times. :)

Tip 1  Picture yourself observing a volcano. It is blowing up, but you are not. You are an observer. You are holding your cool and simply standing by while the lava flows. (I know that's a little weird....but it is a great image that helps. Somebody has to be the adult!!)

Tip 2  Paint a two year old face on that big boy/big girl body. It is the same irrational child locked into a similar stage of immaturity. Just like you learned not to bite on every two year old temper tantrum and get hysterical yourself, you can learn to do the same now!!  …with God's grace.

Tip 3  Wait for the storm to pass. And then sit down and learn together with your teen what caused the storm. God is right there bringing His Wisdom and love to you both.

Tip 4  Understand that you will not prove the scriptures wrong. They work!!!

A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Proverbs 29:11

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1: 19-20

Image source: Wikipedia

Linked to:
Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday
Modest Mondays
Making your Home Sing Monday
Titus 2sdays
Titus 2 Tuesdays
Teach Me Tuesdays