Archives For Parents of Tweens & Teens

 Sorry-apology

Using these most important 10 words with your child/teen can both open the door for a new season of relationship as well as usher in a chance to right a wrong parenting leadership course.

Last week as I was speaking to parents in Tampa, I felt to demonstrate to the parents how to properly implement changes in your home after The Lord has convicted you of a parenting error. We were talking about the issue of romance, dating, and relationships and pondering how many of us, at the conclusion of the conference, needed to go home and make some significant adjustments in our leadership. But how can you change when you know your teenager is going to use the "you already said!" argument as to why the new changes would be unfair.

One option would be to "lay down the new laws" and tell the teen they will just have to get used to the new ways.  Another would be to ease in some minor, watered down version of the needed changes so as to not ruffle the teen's feathers. But my best key for those parents was a third option.

Start with sincere humility. Admit and confess your parenting failure both to the Lord and to your family. Take ownership in the error as you ask your child's forgiveness for the wrong leadership direction. Then try saying something like this....

"Son or daughter.......The Lord has convicted me of this error and He is also helping me to gain wisdom for a new direction. I am thinking this may not be an easy change for either of us so please pray for me to choose wisely now."

Perhaps a few more days will pass before it seems prudent to come back for the next step.

"Son, I believe I am seeing some new direction for us now. I am so encouraged how God has answered my prayer to assist you in establishing a healthy foundation for marriage in your future. Here is our next step in that process........"

Then as you lay out the new rule/procedure/law you can hopefully pull your teen onto the same team with you in a quest to seek the Lord's best.

With humility and cleansing comes a greater grace to walk in the Lord's grace. (James 4:6)

Kalyn Cherry Waller

By Lisa Cherry

Such was the expressed feeling of two different moms who contacted me in the last 24 hours. Christian moms who have worked very hard to instill a love for Jesus and a biblical worldview in the lives of their sons. Both went to the cost and sacrifice of providing a Christian based education for their children and yet both boys were in trouble and both moms were reaching out for help.

Mom #1

Her son recently shocked her by coming out of the closet with an openly gay lifestyle. As her world was shattered she was struggling to understand how her son, who still professed a love for God and even still acknowledged that his choices were sinful in the eyes of the Father, could continue along his destructive path.

Mom #2

Her son was exhibiting a much more "minor" problem. He was simply accusing his loving Christian parents of being judgmental when they said he could not attend the secular band with the objectionable lyrics concert. "Why, how can anyone know what is in a person's heart?" he queried. "And besides, who are we to know whether someone with some sexual issues would be kept out of heaven by God?"

Folks, these two cases are not at all unusual. I hear piles of similar stories week after week. But be honest. Were you not tempted to react to mom#1 story with a horrified gasp and mom#2 story with a bored yawn?

Today, I am challenging you to notice the connection between the two stories. Deception is working overtime on our kids' minds and souls. This week, I was studying a recent book by George Barna called Futurecast. His survey of our teens and young twenties was staggering. Only 1% of our kids' generation has a biblical worldview. That means they have adopted a basic Christian set of bible doctrines (not postmodern reasoning) as their foundation for decision making.

1%???

With statistics like that, I am certain many of us could find ourselves in the coming days shouting what mom #1 and mom#2 did! "I thought I knew them....but I didn't!"

Are you confident you know what your children are truly absorbing and believing in our postmodern generation gone haywire? Are you engaging them in meaningful and revealing dialogues that would give you a chance to assess their belief systems? Are you praying over their lives for everything that is in the darkness of their hearts, souls, and minds to be brought to the light so that you and The Lord may help them mature their faith choices?

Or are you simply hoping that what you see on the outside is a good enough show to be real?

I am so proud that mom #2 has correctly identified her conversation with her son as a crisis needing her immediate attention. Right now I guarantee that mom #1 would encourage her to seek The Lord for help NOW....not later!

Please, please take this warning seriously. This blog is filled with back issues that can help equip you in assessing your home. Remember when you are parenting your precious teens that they are the same ones you knew as toddlers waiting for you to make sense out of the world for them! Will you ask Him today for the tools that you will need.....and spend the effort and focus it takes to assist your children?

 Prayer

By Lisa Cherry

I am in our heaviest season of travel right now speaking to hundreds of parents every  week. Never have I sensed such a vital need for prayer in our homes.

Deception
Confusion
Despair
Battle
Fear
Heresy
Lukewarmness......

...are knocking on our doors!

As I was praying this morning for all our Frontline Families, I was reminded of the powerful tool of prayer the Lord has given us to bring our kids through an evil generation. And right behind that reminder I also remembered the Lord gave us powerful prayers in His Book that we know are pre-aligned with the will of God! That is good news because we have an amazing promise in I John 5: 14-15 that says....

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know He hears us-whatever we ask- we know that we have what we asked of Him.

So I encourage you, instead of praying begging prayers today for your home, pray deeper to the root of your issues and needs. Pray as Paul prayed. He knew as we know that when the insides of our lives are lined up correctly the outsides will follow! These are daring prayers that could TURN OUR LIVES INSIDE OUT and UPSIDE DOWN!

Love you all! Will you join me praying............

Prayer 1

Philippians 1: 9-11

And this is my prayer for my family....
That our love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that we may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ -- to the glory and praise of God!

Prayer 2

Colossians 1: 9-12

I ask you, God, to fill us with the knowledge of your will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. I pray this in order that we may live a life worthy of The Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that we may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

Prayer 3

Ephesians 1: 17-19

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give my family the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that we may know You better. I pray also that the eyes of our hearts may be enlightened in order that we may know the hope to which He has called us, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe!

Amen.

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Right now we are offering our POTTS (Parents of Teens and Tweens) subscription for $15 instead of $20.  This is an annual subscription that includes ongoing support and monthly videos to help in your parenting journey.  The kit includes (1) Stick book, (1) 4-part DVD curriculum, Monthly Video Sessions, and Support from POTTS. You can find out more about our POTTS ministry HERE.

POTTS Parents of Tweens and Teens

Today I want to do something we've never done here on Frontline Moms. I am sending you a sample of the video program we send to all of our POTTS Subscribers. This show on helping our children safely navigate the world of technology seems especially critical in this hour. (NOTE: If you are a subscriber and received this in your inbox, click on the title and you will go to our page and be able to see the embedded video.  You may also select this LINK to get to the Pods, Pads, and Phones video.)

If you are not getting these videos in your email box every month let me explain how you can receive them. When you purchase a copy of our book STICK! and the corresponding four-part video teaching that goes with it, we enter your name in a subscription list to receive monthly video teachings.

Some of our POTTS subscribers are families watching their videos in their homes. Others are small groups that have sprung up all over North America to support parents in churches and community locations.

We Currently have over 1,500 POTTS subscribers.  This month we are running an online special for new subscribers. You can get a $20 subscription for just $15. Click here.

If you would like more information about starting a POTTS group in your location call (800) 213-9899 and talk with our representative.

Hope you enjoy the video!

Casket-suicide

I just caught a line of conversation on Facebook that disturbed me. Well meaning Christian friends talking about the recent tragic suicide of Matthew Warren, Pastor Rick Warren's son.

So far in my readings about this terrible event I had only seen heartfelt sorrow for the family and their congregation expressed. But today, I saw a most disturbing other side. A voice of accusation towards the parents and the ministry they represent. Perhaps they neglected him. ......Perhaps they were irresponsible or cruel parents.......Perhaps they wanted fame more than their family.......and my heart was grieved at these words.

Actually those piercing words I read today took me back in time to when the same thoughts of accusation ran through my own mind as well.  I relived instantly the day we discovered a suicide threatening journal in the bedroom of our traumatized, mentally disturbed 15 year old daughter.

As soon as I heard of the Warren family's pain, I was so concerned this would happen. Parental blaming somehow gives us a way to deal with something that seems so senseless and dark and unexplainable.

Suicide is considered the third leading cause of death for today's American teen. And while this young man was no longer a teen his parents had apparently lived under the real threat of suicide since his early teen years.

My heart goes out to his mother right now. Broken, grieving, confused and filled with regrets, she does not need to hear it was all her fault! Because I am certain it wasn't.

Now, Lisa, if you do not know these people personally how can you possibly say that? Because I have come to understand the world of spiritual warfare concerning our children. This was an adult child who made adult choices. Sure his parents made errors. All parents do. But mental illness is a very real and a very complicated emotional/physical/spiritual problem that cannot be simply thrown off as evidence of bad parenting.

I am stopping again and praying for this family. I am also stopping right now and praying for the hundreds of families of teenagers I have met who are battling for their children's lives as well. Would you care to join me?

Perhaps we can take this opportunity to sharpen up our skills at detecting suicide threats in the lives of our children.

Here is a great link to get us started......http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/list/kw/Suicide/search/1

In this difficult hour to raise teens, we really do need each other! POTTS is our organization to bring you and your family some extra strength and hope. We would love to have the honor of praying specifically for your needs. Click here to send us your requests.

If you are in a battle in your home, please check out our family's resource, Unmask the Predators, that includes the Victory Battle Plan for parents facing a crisis.

Unmasking-Cover-LRG

coffin photo courtesy ambergris