Archives For Sexual Abuse

NCAA “Rocks” Penn State….Who Will “Rock” Us?

Lisa Cherry —  July 24, 2012 — 1 Comment

whistle 257897_whistleBy Lisa Cherry

The severe punishments levied by the NCAA against the blatant cover-up of the sexual abuse of children at the hands of Penn State football legend Jerry Sandusky is rocking the nation.

Most of what I have read has been quite supportive of the stiff sanctions and the strong stand taken by the national sports supervisory board. Surely not many are left wondering why the statue of Joe Paterno has now been removed.

I am glad this story is inviting the public scrutiny it deserves. However, let's not fail to take advantage of one of the looming questions in each of our own lives:

Are we each prepared to deal truthfully and effectively if WE were the ones to witness the abuse of children?

It is easy in the face of this national headline to cast stones. But have you ever considered what you would do if it happened to you? What if you saw or heard something you wish you did not see?

We must spend some concerted effort to get more prepared ourselves for this.  The statistics of sexual abuse, sex trafficking, and pornography are staggering in our land.  There is a growing likelihood that we might find ourselves in the whistleblower role!

I am working on some help for us frontline moms on this very issue. Pray that I hit this issue correctly because it sure is easier in the abstract than in the concrete!

Image courtesy of Valerio lo Bello

Linked to Domestically Divine, On Your Heart Tuesday, Teach Me Tuesday.

In Christian Parenting, Sexual Abuse, Unmask Predators , ,
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Lethal Rage: Pedophiles Can Tempt Us

Lisa Cherry —  June 15, 2012 — Leave a comment

Updated June 20, 2012

I can understand this Texas father’s rage.

He discovered a 46 year old man sexually molesting his four year old daughter in a secluded area on the family ranch.  

Nothing will ignite the adrenaline-fueled anger like someone harming your own child.  We felt this primitive response too when we learned what a family friend had done to our 15-year-old daughter, Kalyn. However we did not act on it.

 But oh the pain that is still forthcoming when the dad’s response resulted in the abuser’s death.

Is there anything that could be learned from this tragic event in our own quest to protect our children? I can think of a few things.

1. We must understand that even our own homes are not places to let down our guard when visitors are present.  

2.  This perpetrator had the audacity to act even with the high risk of discovery. It shows how offenders can be deceived into thinking they are invisible.

3. Authorities have said that the abuser was hired by the family to work on the ranch.  Sometimes the rules of stranger danger are not enough. We must recognize that 90% of predators are known to the victim. Perceived trust can cause us as parents to subconsciously label people as safe and allow an abuser private access to a child.

4.  It does not take long for an abuser to act. Our defenses must be constantly on guard.

5. Sexual abuse is totally illogical to the normal mind. If we try to apply our beliefs to their actions, we can be naively tricked. Just because we would never see a child as a sexual object does not mean that others have the same standards. Shocking, isn’t it?

Will you join me in prayer for this family? A little child has been traumatized and needs healing.

Though the county grand jury has announced her Daddy will not face charges, this family is facing unthinkable grief and pain.  And who knows how many family members of the perpetrator are shocked and grieved as well.

By Lisa Cherry  author of Unmask the Predators

Image courtesy of Adrian van Leen

In Christian Parenting, Sexual Abuse, Unmask Predators , , , ,
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A Reality Show for Predators

Lisa Cherry —  February 11, 2012 — 1 Comment

By Lisa Cherry

I watch so little TV that I am often appalled when I find out what the networks and cable companies are offering.  Reality shows bring in the big bucks.   But there is one in particular that must hold the record for being low and disgusting.

It’s called Toddlers and Tiaras.   I  do not recommend that you watch this show to learn more.  It’s a sick and dangerous exploitation of children and parents who have fallen into the pageant industry.  Mom Spark recently blogged about it.

Children are shown dressed in scanty, alluring clothing...made up like adult women...and dancing suggestively.  …Reflecting a culture that doesn’t blink at using children for sexually stimulating, evil purposes. And conveniently served up weekly for predators to watch and record.

I’m praying that God will show us what to do to stop this madness and rescue the children being hurt by this.  Will you join me?

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Don’t Look the Other Way

Lisa Cherry —  February 6, 2012 — 2 Comments

By Lisa Cherry

Another horror story of child abuse appeared in the news last week.  A California teacher, previously accused, went on to commit unspeakable acts during his 30 years in the classroom.  I have to wonder how many people around him knew something was wrong, and looked the other way?

Believers, please pray for these children and for their families.  Their pain is severe, and they desperately need healing.

We must become more skilled in recognizing the symptoms of the suffering and the behavior of predators, and to learn what to do so that we can act confidently and quickly to stop the pain.

I’ve previously mentioned TAALK Tips, a daily email to educate adults to prevent and recognize child sexual abuse and take proactive steps to protect children.   Please subscribe today, and ask the Lord to make you alert to any situations that need intervention.

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The Penn State Sexual Abuse Nightmare: How Could This Happen? Let Me Tell You…

Lisa Cherry —  November 15, 2011 — 2 Comments

By Lisa Cherry

Until a few years ago, I would have dismissed the Penn State scandal as a rare and bizarre problem ripe for the AOL news feed, but remote from my small-town life. Until one day in 2002 when my own family’s world was turned upside down. An $800 cell phone bill revealed a secret abusive relationship between our 15-year-old daughter, Kalyn, and a 46-year-old “responsible” man from our church.

Image courtesy of Dave Dyet

That day we officially joined the throngs of those asking “How?” How could something so ugly happen to our child when we thought we were going to extraordinary measures to protect her? How could a trusted family friend face us with a smile, knowing what he was doing to our daughter in secret? How could our intelligent, bright, high achieving girl fall into such a dirty trap and still not ask our help to get out?

Kalyn’s own words penned while still in her teen years provide us some clues…

“I had fallen in a pit over my head, and it was beyond my ability to climb out. Unable to escape the cycle of excitement, guilt, pleasure, and deception that tormented me, I felt trapped—not just by a person, but by the powers of darkness seeking to destroy my life. I was torn. I had seemingly found the acceptance my teenage heart so desired, but with it came the devastating effects of sexual abuse day after day.

I lived in a fantasyland within my own mind. Whenever my thoughts wandered into reality, I felt trapped in a predicament with no way out…

I learned to pretend as though I enjoyed the sexual exploration and desires communicated to me by this much older man. Terrified of losing his “love,” I went along with all his perverted ideas, even when they made me feel filthy, violated and used. I believed the lie that he needed me to meet these needs in his life lest he be lonely and miserable…

This perverted man had found a way into my young life, shattered my values, and convinced me to believe his sick lies. Yet instead of running from him, I ran to him night after night, giving him my fragile heart and all my trust. I was no longer my own, but I was possessed by this horrific monster whose manipulation had overtaken my life.

This was my secret hidden from the world, the source of my secret pleasure and my inner turmoil. I would do anything to keep it from being exposed, yet deep down I longed desperately for someone to detect it and pull me out of this sinking pit.”

                                                            from Kalyn’s Secret, page 42-43

If only someone had known about Kalyn’s abuser and had blown the whistle...but would they have done it? Would they have been able recognize the abuse for what it was? Would they have had known what to do, and had the courage to do it? Or would they have been intimidated and fearful of offending the perpetrator?

Ignorance is one of my greatest mothering regrets over my daughter Kalyn’s life. I had lectured her well about saying “no” to bad touch and running from the trench-coated in the park. But like 90% of abusers, he was known to her. We trusted him. We didn’t realize he had groomed Kalyn and us for his evil purposes.

As the story continues to unfold from Penn State, I believe we will learn of the recognizable predator characteristics that were missed and the long trail of clues that were ignored. The questions we have should cause us to face head on the silent monster of sexual abuses lurking in the shadows of our hallowed halls.

All around us are others waiting to be rescued from their tormenting pain. With estimates ranging from one in three to four girls and one in five to six boys being sexually abused in America by age 18, obviously thousands are in desperate need of help! Are we, as the church, prepared to hear their cries and respond? Who will be Jesus’ voice of compassion to them?

Protecting our children and healing our walking wounded will require a special grace from our Heavenly Father. The church—not just the government—must prioritize this issue if we are to see a generation made whole. Ignoring the epidemic and pretending it would never happen to us “good Christian folk” is both naïve and dangerous!

Will you begin sharpening your understanding and alertness even today? Start by taking the Sexual Abuse Awareness Test which shatters some of our long-held views.

God, help us to know our kids’ world and constantly stay alert to hidden dangers that they cannot see. Help us to extend Your healing, redeeming hand to those we encounter who are trapped in a secret world of pain.

Lisa Cherry is the author of Kalyn’s Secret: Every Parent’s Battle to Save Their Children, and co-founder of POTTS (Parents of Teens and Tweens). She speaks to parents at Acquire the Fire events, and co-pastors Victory Dream Center in Carbondale, Illinois with her husband Doug. They are the parents of ten children and the grandparents of three. Follow Lisa at POTTSgroup.com and FrontlineMoms.com.

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