Archives For Unmask Predators

Kalyn Cherry Waller

By Lisa Cherry

Such was the expressed feeling of two different moms who contacted me in the last 24 hours. Christian moms who have worked very hard to instill a love for Jesus and a biblical worldview in the lives of their sons. Both went to the cost and sacrifice of providing a Christian based education for their children and yet both boys were in trouble and both moms were reaching out for help.

Mom #1

Her son recently shocked her by coming out of the closet with an openly gay lifestyle. As her world was shattered she was struggling to understand how her son, who still professed a love for God and even still acknowledged that his choices were sinful in the eyes of the Father, could continue along his destructive path.

Mom #2

Her son was exhibiting a much more "minor" problem. He was simply accusing his loving Christian parents of being judgmental when they said he could not attend the secular band with the objectionable lyrics concert. "Why, how can anyone know what is in a person's heart?" he queried. "And besides, who are we to know whether someone with some sexual issues would be kept out of heaven by God?"

Folks, these two cases are not at all unusual. I hear piles of similar stories week after week. But be honest. Were you not tempted to react to mom#1 story with a horrified gasp and mom#2 story with a bored yawn?

Today, I am challenging you to notice the connection between the two stories. Deception is working overtime on our kids' minds and souls. This week, I was studying a recent book by George Barna called Futurecast. His survey of our teens and young twenties was staggering. Only 1% of our kids' generation has a biblical worldview. That means they have adopted a basic Christian set of bible doctrines (not postmodern reasoning) as their foundation for decision making.

1%???

With statistics like that, I am certain many of us could find ourselves in the coming days shouting what mom #1 and mom#2 did! "I thought I knew them....but I didn't!"

Are you confident you know what your children are truly absorbing and believing in our postmodern generation gone haywire? Are you engaging them in meaningful and revealing dialogues that would give you a chance to assess their belief systems? Are you praying over their lives for everything that is in the darkness of their hearts, souls, and minds to be brought to the light so that you and The Lord may help them mature their faith choices?

Or are you simply hoping that what you see on the outside is a good enough show to be real?

I am so proud that mom #2 has correctly identified her conversation with her son as a crisis needing her immediate attention. Right now I guarantee that mom #1 would encourage her to seek The Lord for help NOW....not later!

Please, please take this warning seriously. This blog is filled with back issues that can help equip you in assessing your home. Remember when you are parenting your precious teens that they are the same ones you knew as toddlers waiting for you to make sense out of the world for them! Will you ask Him today for the tools that you will need.....and spend the effort and focus it takes to assist your children?

Casket-suicide

I just caught a line of conversation on Facebook that disturbed me. Well meaning Christian friends talking about the recent tragic suicide of Matthew Warren, Pastor Rick Warren's son.

So far in my readings about this terrible event I had only seen heartfelt sorrow for the family and their congregation expressed. But today, I saw a most disturbing other side. A voice of accusation towards the parents and the ministry they represent. Perhaps they neglected him. ......Perhaps they were irresponsible or cruel parents.......Perhaps they wanted fame more than their family.......and my heart was grieved at these words.

Actually those piercing words I read today took me back in time to when the same thoughts of accusation ran through my own mind as well.  I relived instantly the day we discovered a suicide threatening journal in the bedroom of our traumatized, mentally disturbed 15 year old daughter.

As soon as I heard of the Warren family's pain, I was so concerned this would happen. Parental blaming somehow gives us a way to deal with something that seems so senseless and dark and unexplainable.

Suicide is considered the third leading cause of death for today's American teen. And while this young man was no longer a teen his parents had apparently lived under the real threat of suicide since his early teen years.

My heart goes out to his mother right now. Broken, grieving, confused and filled with regrets, she does not need to hear it was all her fault! Because I am certain it wasn't.

Now, Lisa, if you do not know these people personally how can you possibly say that? Because I have come to understand the world of spiritual warfare concerning our children. This was an adult child who made adult choices. Sure his parents made errors. All parents do. But mental illness is a very real and a very complicated emotional/physical/spiritual problem that cannot be simply thrown off as evidence of bad parenting.

I am stopping again and praying for this family. I am also stopping right now and praying for the hundreds of families of teenagers I have met who are battling for their children's lives as well. Would you care to join me?

Perhaps we can take this opportunity to sharpen up our skills at detecting suicide threats in the lives of our children.

Here is a great link to get us started......http://family.custhelp.com/app/answers/list/kw/Suicide/search/1

In this difficult hour to raise teens, we really do need each other! POTTS is our organization to bring you and your family some extra strength and hope. We would love to have the honor of praying specifically for your needs. Click here to send us your requests.

If you are in a battle in your home, please check out our family's resource, Unmask the Predators, that includes the Victory Battle Plan for parents facing a crisis.

Unmasking-Cover-LRG

coffin photo courtesy ambergris

by Lisa Cherry

Minnesota ATFI had a very unusual experience this past weekend that I doubt I will ever forget. I spoke to a group of parents lined up on benches in a women's hockey team dressing room!

Why were we in such an odd location? Because our Minneapolis ATF event had a little challenge with its extra meeting room space and it was the only available room we could find. After my main session to our large group of parents, I offered an extra small group meeting for those parents who were either currently in crisis with their kids or for those who wanted to know how to avoid or handle a crisis in the future. I figured I would see a handful of takers.  Instead, 35 parents followed me down to the basement "meeting room."Locker Room ATF

We felt like a covert operational squad gathered together to hear the team captain give the directives. And I suppose that is what we were! Parents eager to hear battle strategies from the Lord to successfully wage war against the Kingdom of Darkness and the enemy's seductive plans to destroy our Christian kids' futures.

The stories of crisis in the room were quite varied and staggering. Addictions. Broken relationships. Depression. Sexual immoralities. .....But as we shared together the truth of God's word, the principles that applied for each family's  unique deliverance were remarkably universal. We talked about the 12 step Victory Battle Plan that God led us through when we were struggling with our daughter Kalyn.

I was shocked how much our time together meant to me personally as a mom. As I relived what the Lord had taught us, I recognized my own need to "shore up" my emergency preparedness even today. Living a life of alertness and spiritual sensitivity is critical in parenting today's teens. Learning to control  my own reactions can prevent me from accidentally pouring gasoline on smoldering embers and creating my own raging fire of destruction in the lives of my teens.

How about you? Are you prepared with a strategy to handle tough parenting situations? Would you be able to keep yourself together in the face of disappointing, damaging , or dangerous news from your teen? Are you as practiced in disaster preparedness for your children's lives as you are in disaster preparedness for your house and property?

Leading our children through our hostile culture could mean some skirmishes and attacks!

Step one of our 12 step Plan stood out as critical to our group's discussion. Let me take a moment and share it with you today.

Step 1 to handling a parenting emergency..........Stop. Drop. And pray!

I must train myself to interrupt my own  tendency to try to fix tough situations with quick parental words. Stop the tongue action, Lisa. Invite the Lord personally into that moment of decision making and then pray for His wisdom. Do not rush the moment. Hit the pause button if you must. Put the child needing assistance on hold and take the time needed to fashion a Godly response.

I remember the night our world came crashing to a halt when we discovered an $800 cell phone bill and a secret sexually abusive relationship with a middle age man and our 15 year old high achieving Christian daughter. You talk about shocking trauma! Unfortunately, out of our parental shock, hurt, and fear, we launched some horrible words toward our daughter that could not be easily retrieved from the air waves. In other words, we blew it.

If I had it to live over, I would have done things so differently. But just as the fire departments of America have trained us to not run if our clothes catch on fire but to stop, drop, and roll, we must train ourselves as parents to Stop, Drop, and Pray during the heated moments of crisis in our parenting.

The bad news is I might face some unforeseen emergency again in our family's future. The good news is I will have many opportunities to hone the needed skills to handle the big moments during the little skirmishes of our daily life together.

Stop. Drop. And pray.

I will never forget our prayer circle in our odd little meeting room in Minneapolis when we asked the Lord to equip us to meet our adversary head on. Equipped. Humbled. And armed with His word.

Are you ready to face whatever the devil would try to throw your family's way? Click here leave a comment. This week I will cover a few more of those critical Battle Plan strategies. If you have not seen our book, Unmask the Predators yet, I encourage you to check it out. A prepared parent is a victorious parent!.

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This  month we are featuring our resource kit called Unmask the Predators. Click here to get help for your tough parenting battles.

 Unmask Kit

March special: Unmask the Predators Parents Kit. Includes Unmask book, workbook, and six part video teaching. $42 value. $40 regular price....but this month only $25 plus free shipping!!!  Click here to visit our store.

When Your Child/Teen Lies

Lisa Cherry —  March 18, 2013

teen with painted face 7442246564_faff229a0a_zBy Lisa Cherry

Nothing upsets me more with my children then when one of them chooses to lie.

Mistakes, immaturities, broken windows, arguments....all of them produce a certain irritation to my parent world, but lying hits over in a league of its own.

Lying is a betrayal of trust. After I catch one of my children in a lie, I can’t trust anything else they say to me.  

Even if I could hook the one who lied up to a lie detector, it would not get to the root of the issue.

When someone lies, trust is damaged. And when trust is damaged relationships and privileges must be adjusted.

Here are 10 tips I have found helpful for discipling my children toward a lifestyle of integrity.


1. Set an absolute standard for honesty at an early age.
Truth telling must be the expectation in our homes, even when the world loves and practices deceit.


2. Model truthfulness in front of your children
. Face the music when you make mistakes. Never have your children lie for you about little or big things.


3. Teach the scriptures about God's standards of truth
. Jesus is truth (John 14:6).  The Holy Spirit is called the Spirit of Truth (John 16:13).  Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord (Proverbs 12:22).

4. Teach them about the author of lies. The devil is called the deceiver (Revelation 12:9) and the father of lies (John 8:44). When people lie they are participating in the deeds of darkness and deception, and taking on themselves the work of the enemy. Warn them that he will tempt them to tell lies.

5. Allow them to experience swift, severe, and direct consequences for lying. At our house, lying carries double or triple punishment. It never pays, and it never works. I pray and ask God for the appropriate discipline (i.e. teaching and training) that will produce a logical consequence to the infraction. If we tolerate small lies, we are allowing the enemy to gain a foothold into our children's lives. Losing the car keys or losing their phone privileges seems huge at the time. But what a small price to save them from a lifetime of regrets!

6. If you catch your child in a lie, let them experience your sorrow.
They need to see your alarm and shock. Do not allow lying to become commonplace, thereby lowering your reaction. Express your deep concern for their future. Trace out for them the logical results if they were to continue along the path of deceit.


7. Watch carefully for signs of remorse and repentance for the sin in the behavior of your child.
Are they truly sorry or only sorry they got caught? It is very difficult to know for sure, but with prayer I have sensed the Holy Spirit's discernment. If they are simply sorry they got caught, you have not had your breakthrough yet. Prayer, discipline, and more teaching will be needed.


8. Release a repentant offender.
When a child or teen repents, it is precious. Do not hold on to the offense. Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.


9. Forgive completely but force your child to re-earn trust one step at a time.
Explain to your child or teen that while trust can be regained, it is a function of repeated truth-telling over the course of time. Microwaved, instant trust is not logically possible. That is why truth-telling is so vital in the first place! Give them hope by laying a course or track before them.....but don't handicap them by making it too easy! Their future with God and their family is at stake.


10. Honor and praise truthful behavior.
Negative behavior obviously gets our attention. Let integrity receive the highest reward. Point out the praiseworthy behaviors of others.

If you notice a pattern of lying that does not respond to these common sense solutions, get help immediately. Get appropriate spiritual help from a trusted pastor or mentor. Pull out the stops in prayer and seek a path for your child's deliverance from this destructive and dangerous pattern.

The devil is working overtime to pull our children into a pit of destruction.
When our daughter, Kalyn, fell into a trap of deceit, it nearly destroyed her and our whole family. Thank God for His healing principles and His power!

What strategies have you used when your children have lied to you?  Click here leave a comment.  I want to hear from you.

Image source (Flickr Creative Commons Attribution License)

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This  month we are featuring our resource kit called Unmask the Predators. Click here to get help for your tough parenting battles.

 Unmask Kit

March special: Unmask the Predators Parents Kit. Includes Unmask book, workbook, and six part video teaching. $42 value. $40 regular price....but this month only $25 plus free shipping!!!  Click here to visit our store.

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By Lisa Cherry

How did I miss this incredible story?

I am still sitting here in shock by what I just read!

A pastor sentenced for trying to protect a child from a dangerous lesbian situation.

How can I still be shocked, you might ask.

God, we the parents and leaders of the children in America cry out to You for Your mercy and protection. We scarcely can comprehend how perverse our country has become. Help us, Lord! Awaken Your precious body! Teach us, grow us, and empower us to lead our children into all truth. We yield our hearts to You afresh. Strengthen us to stand in difficult times that we may be faithful to You and Your word until You come again. 

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Unmask Kit

March special: Unmask the Predators Parents Kit. Includes Unmask book, workbook, and six part video teaching. $42 value. $40 regular price....but this month only $25 plus free shipping!!!