Archives For Christian Parenting

silhouette kiss 4449097164_87e5c558aa

By Lisa Cherry

Our faith should affect our decisions about with whom and when we will have sex. Wouldn’t you agree?  The Bible has plenty to say about this.

But evidently, many Christians are acting like atheists in regard to their sexual behavior.

According to the 2014 State-of-Dating report from ChristianMingle.com (an online Christian dating service), most Christian singles, aged 18 to 59—both men and women— admit that they would have sex before marriage—63% of them! 

Kenny Luck described this problem in his article Sexual Atheism: Christian Dating Data Reveals a Deeper Spiritual Malaise.

I was very intrigued with his conclusion that nine out of ten Christian singles are “sexual atheists.” 

Frontline parents, I suggest we take a look at this article, and the report it is based on. They are building a pretty significant case that today’s Christians have learned to compartmentalize faith as separate from sex.

Notice also in the article the change in female behavior.

As I consider the lives of my own children, I am more motivated to help them navigate this Christian attitude shift. My own teens and young adults need to be warned. "Normal Christian" values may not be what we think!

I suggest we hit these attitudes head-on in our home, in our youth groups, and in the church. I get the feeling that many today are biblically ignorant concerning this subject.

Don't forget our resource called Straight Talk in a Sex-Saturated Culture if you need a Bible study to help you get to some of these issues.

Here's some links for some previous blog posts that might also be of help.

80% of Young Evangelical Singles Having Sex? Is Abstinence Dead? 

Ten Things I Teach My Sons about Girls

The Top Ten Things I Want my Daughters to Know about Boys

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By Lisa Cherry    

When a leader falls into sin, their actions cause a ripple effect, hurting not only their immediate family, but their friends, those in their church or ministry, and those that have watched and learned from this leader from afar.

Anger, hurt, confusion, anxiety, fear, and despair often overwhelm those struggling to make sense about the situation.

In recent years, the body of Christ has weathered so many of these scandalous storms that some would propose immorality among pastors is now an epidemic. I pray that is not true!

So the question becomes how do we as Christians function in an open-to-anything culture without growing complacent about immorality, cynical about hypocrisy, or insensitive to broken people?

None of us wants to make the mistake of hurting those who are already broken, humiliated and desperate for restoration. Ministry leaders are mere humans and are therefore subject to both error and sin.

We remember the sin of David and Bathsheba in the Bible. But unfortunately, simply recognizing that human frailty is nothing new doesn't fix the damaging effects both to the ministry of the fallen leader and the wider constituency of the body of Christ. (Then, of course, there is the damage of reputation in the world's eye that is fanned by the secular media!)

So how are we to respond when others fail?

1.      We must be willing to face the truth. This first step is absolutely critical.  When people refuse to believe something that is true, darkness can sometimes hide in our midst.

We dismiss the inner warnings of the Holy Spirit because we think "he/she is such a good person that they would never do that," or "I am sure I didn't see what I just saw."

We must have the courage to look truth in the eye for as Jesus says, “the truth will set us free!

2.      We must be truth tellers. We must never participate in deceptive cover-ups or selective silence that is meant to "protect" whenever such a failure comes to light. And eventually, it will always come to light.

We can look around us and see the dangers of lies and deception. After personally living through the nightmare of one of my own children being sexually abused in a ministry setting, I have noticed that people often use denial as a way of escaping truth.

But denial of truth never works. In fact, it will only compound the pain we are facing and allow satan to gain further access to our lives. Sometimes wishing things away feels more comfortable. But when people refuse to believe that which is true, darkness wins.

3.     We must keep our eyes on Jesus. People will often fail us, but Jesus never will. We must take our pain to Him in prayer.

He can handle even our tough emotions. He understands the feelings of betrayal. Remember Judas? 

4.     We must entrust ourselves to no man.  Jesus said in John 2:24 that He entrusted Himself to no one while on earth, because He knew the heart of man.

We would do well to follow His example. But exactly what does that mean? 

It means that Jesus knew better than to put men on a pedestal. It means that while He loved others, He put His ultimate trust in God.

Trusting is found in degrees. Not every situation merits the same level of trust.

I am not advocating a life of suspicion and isolation.  Strong relationships and healthy fellowship are what we should strive for. But we need realistic expectations—like Jesus—that keep our perspectives in balance.  

5.     We must hold onto the revelations that are sound.  When one of your leaders or mentors has imparted into your life about the ways of God, it can be very confusing to discover the leader’s life does not reflect what was taught.

But we must remember, God's word never changes. If the teaching or example was truly based upon scripture, it will stand even when men fall.

However, if a leader has fallen, It is appropriate and necessary to double check the scriptural foundation and accuracy of their teaching.

When ongoing sin exists in a leader, it can affect their theology and their doctrine. So don't be afraid to look at this issue.

The Holy Spirit leads us into truth when we ask Him. It is wise to take your time to seek His direction after we experience the initial disappointment of the fall of a leader.

We must be cautious about making decisions or changing direction based on the emotion of the moment that can cause us to lose our way.

6.     We must be willing to help others. Our family and our friends will also wrestle with these disturbing breeches of trust. In our home, we have had many family meetings to talk openly with our children about ministry leaders that fall.

My husband and I want our kids to hear these stories from us so we can help them to process the facts. Teens and young adults can easily grow cynical when sin is revealed in leaders they trust.

In fact a recent Barna study of millennials who have dropped out of church lists hypocrisy and moral failures of leaders as two of their top three reasons for leaving.

As appropriate when helping our kids, we express our own adult feelings of sadness and shock. And then we look through the lens of scripture to see what we can all learn from others' tragic mistakes.

In addition to helping our children, sometimes pastors, youth workers, and Christian leaders need to help those in their realm of influence process their pain and disappointment.

Sensitive leadership that allows people to express raw emotions will pave the way for mature Christian responses that reflect the nature of God. 

7.     We must pray for the miracle of restoration. Thank God we serve the One who bestows second chances to all who will humble themselves and ask! He is able to take even our most horrible messes and build a message of His mercy and His grace.

No sin is too great for our God! He delights in restoring broken vessels. So we must respond to others as His heart responds and be the first to intercede with love and patience.

Those who are following us will be watching for our prayerful example. They will also notice how we define the concepts of true repentance and restoration.

Forgiveness should be granted immediately against an offender as an act of both mercy and faith. Restoration of trust and relationship is not the same as forgiveness and may be rebuilt quickly, or over time, …or maybe not at all in some cases.

The reinstating of leadership responsibilities with someone who has fallen into serious sin is even more complicated and would need to involve spiritual counsel, accountability, and godly wisdom.  

8.    We must stay out of bitterness.  Hebrews 12:15 is an absolute promise. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

If we, who have been impacted by a leader's failure begin to allow unforgiveness to reign in our hearts, then we could cause more damage and defilement through our bitterness than the damage done by the leader's moral failure! And that is exactly what satan wants. 

9.     We must be fruit inspectors. In an age when many are rebelling against God and the climate in the world is moving toward lawlessness, some believers will not be able to stand. (See Matthew 24)

When others fall, it is vital that we do not follow them into error ourselves. And it is important we not follow the popular misconception that all "judging" is sin. We, according to John 7:24, are to learn to make right judgments.

Jesus taught us in Matthew 7 that we would know a tree by its fruit.  In the same chapter, He said to beware of wolves in sheep's clothing.

Following leaders blindly without keeping these warnings in mind could be dangerous. The New Testament teaches us to qualify leaders. (1 Tim. 3) The fruit of men's lives tell the story!

10.We must be willing to check ourselves.  Scripture warns us of the dangers of personal blind spots and pride.

Do I have a humble attitude?  … Because Proverbs 16:18 says that pride goes before a fall. 

Have I dealt with the plank in my own eye before attempting to help my brother with the speck in his eye?   (Matthew 7:3-5)

 Am I prepared to be gentle with the one caught in sin?   (Galatians 6:1)

I must be willing to ponder my own vulnerability in light of these scriptural gems before I get carried away in finding fault with others!

As we stand together in the body of Christ, we must have the courage to deal with sin in the camp. Compassionately. Boldly. And with a heart to see righteousness proclaimed.

Our Heavenly Father is yearning for both His love and His holiness to be displayed for a dying world to see. We, as His ambassadors, will represent Him well when we maintain our integrity and purity.

Will you join me now in praying for those leaders around us who have fallen into sin? They need our prayers to receive God's grace to be able to arise.

Will you also join me in praying for those who must mop up their messes and continue to lead where they failed? Those family members and fellow leaders need wisdom, patience, and grace like never before. Many of them are not happy in the painful place they must now walk.

And finally, let's pray for those of us who are angry, hurt, confused and wounded in the crossfire, that we may turn to Him who can restore the soul.

 

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child saluting american flag 2

By Lisa Cherry     

My son shocked me this week.

Check out his revelation... and let's make sure he is not right!

Here's the link to my article on The Christian Post:

Revise the National Anthem? A 7-Year-Old Tells Why

Please leave me a comment there.

 

Image: Jeff Turner "Child Saluting American Flag" 
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Mommy Moments

 Lisa driveway gouge

By Lisa Cherry

I was backing my car out of our circular driveway this morning only to encounter a familiar problem. Poor backing skills.

You would think I would have this problem conquered after all these years of driving. I don't.

Instead I watched the view in the rearview mirror of my car heading off to the grass.

I could see Doug's face grimacing (even though he was nowhere in sight) as I was over on that part of the yard he has so patiently tried to keep covered in grass.

But now that my wheels were clearly doing their damage, I was faced with a new problem.

Should I keep going with a wheel adjustment hoping to "arc" my way back onto the pavement?

Or should I stop, pull forward, realign, and try it again.

I kind of wish I would have tried option 2. :(

Isn't that how it is sometimes when we get our parenting leadership going off course? We know we are headed into disaster. And yet it is tough to figure out how to get back on track.

Here are my top thoughts on how to make changes in parenting direction when you know you are off track:

1. Have the courage to stop and reconsider your path.

2. Pray and ask God for wisdom to see where you got off.

3. Recognize that course corrections are not instantaneous. They usually take time.

4. I really don't recommend the "arc" method. Swinging even wider off course is a rough way to get back on!  (And it generally tears up more turf in the process!)

5. "Stop and realign" is what God does best in our lives. Trust Him. And take His way over your own foolish path.

Do you have some things off track in your home?

Attitudes
Relationships
Priorities

I am grateful for a God who might grimace at my poor leadership, but never forsakes me when I need His wisdom and grace.

So many parents live a lifetime of regrets because they never had the courage to get back on track! I don't know about you but I don't want to look in my rearview mirror when I'm old and say.....

Wow, I sure wish I would have changed...

I am praying for you and your family today.

Courage.
Clarity.
Wisdom.
Decisions.

Will you pray for me too?

(And don't worry. Doug has more grass seed ready to sow!)

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Gratefully linked to:
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Tell Me a True Story
Babies &  Beyond

*    *    *    *    *

I'm on the radio!

mic on boom arm 2587506121_b63688c9c4Beginning Monday, April 7: Listen for my 3 minute parenting tips on AFR (American Family Radio) on Mondays between 2:20 and 2:40 p.m. Central time, during Lauren Kitchens’ show.

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By Lisa Cherry

Venomous, hateful words are targeted at Christians regularly—words that are meant to immobilize and silence us. 

Your kids are witnessing this hostility too. Have you talked with them?

Perhaps you saw the post that went viral last week called “The one thing Christians should stop saying.” 

Even if you got in on the debate on this article, you may not have noted some of the comments it generated such as....

“There are so many things that christians should stop saying... One is that homosexuality is a "lifestyle." Another one is that the bible is god's word. Another one is that they know god's will. Another one is "love the sinner, hate the sin." Another one is that, if you can't prove the nonexistence of god, god exists. I think it would just be better if the christians stopped being christians and became responsible and well informed adults."

“Actually, Christians should stop saying a lot of things. They should consider getting their vocal cords removed, so that humanity may progress without their outdated ideals.”

Wow! How do those comments line up with the word "tolerance" ?

And what about the story of the Air Force Cadet who is in hot water for putting Galatians 2:20 on his white board on the front door of his dorm room?

Some are claiming they were "offended" by the scripture declaration.

You would think that an organization named “Military Religious Freedom Foundation” would defend a Christian’s right to express his/her faith. 

But Founder and Director Mikey Weinstein says  that the cadet’s actions “poured fundamentalist Christian gasoline on an already raging out-of-control conflagration of fundamentalist Christian tyranny, exceptionalism and supremacy …” 

He also compared the posting of the Bible verses to “racism.”

Is our world changing quickly or what?

I think it is very important that we help our kids prepare for the venom of hatred coming our way as we stand firm for Jesus Christ.

What can we do to help our kids? Here are 6 ideas:

1. Talk about the news frequently with your kids.  Help them to understand these types of expressions within the context of what Jesus promised us in John 15:18 

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated Me first.

2. Now is the time to read about heroes of the faith and watch videos about people who stood firm. Check out resources at YWAM publishing, or search on “Christian Heroes” at Christianbook.com

3. Begin to pray for courage to stand as a family  Use scripture prayers, as God's word is our power!  See Joshua 1:9.

4. Provide a time of "debriefing" where your kids feel comfortable to share their most difficult moments.  They will feel most open to share after you as a parent share first.

5. Consider the increased persecution and pressure as an adventure....not a tragedy.  Obviously, we are not happy about it, but we have been called to the Kingdom for just such a time as this.

6. Begin to study our book and DVD curriculum called Not Open: Win the Invisible Spiritual Culture War.  Buy it here at our store.  Don’t miss chapter 14, which is...."I Will Hate and Be Hated"

What other practical ideas would you suggest as we see the days growing increasingly hostile?

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Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday
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Titus 2 Tuesday