Archives For Christian Parenting

  Brenda and Todd

What does a mother do when her prayers to save her son appear to go unanswered?

 How can we continue to serve our God in faith?

This summer around a vacation spot pool, I met a precious mom who is learning those tough lessons...and finding peace in the arms of her Father.

Parents, this side of heaven we will not totally be able to explain why some live....and some die. But we do know that God is a good God and His love in times of loss is unshakeable.

 I hear from many of our Frontline Moms and Dads. We are up against tough experiences in raising our kids. I asked my new friend, Brenda Lurtey, to share her thoughts with us.

I believe her raw candor will strengthen your heart. Maybe you know someone else who needs this also. 

Pass it on.....

Her facebook page is: Remembering Todd Lurtey


 “Mom, I might die when I’m young.”

 “Todd, don’t say that! I don’t want you to die when you’re young!”

 “Well, if God wants me, He wants me and there is nothing you can do about it.” With those words, my six-year son Todd turned and walked out of the room.

To this day, I have no idea what prompted Todd to come to me that day, but his words came true just ten years later.

Todd was the second born of my four children. He had always been a happy, active, and healthy child, but in September 2012 his side began to hurt and just a month later he was diagnosed with a malignant peripheral nerve sheath tumor.

At first, the doctors seemed hopeful that chemotherapy would be successful, but in just one month and in spite of chemotherapy treatments, the tumor had actually doubled in size. The tumor was invading his right kidney and was wrapped around his vena cava. The situation looked bleak.

Thankfully, after much discussion, our doctors set plans in motion and the day after Thanksgiving, Todd was transported to the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston, SC, where the entire football-sized tumor was successfully removed by a transplant team. The surgeon told my husband and me he believed Todd would go on to live a full and healthy life.

I had great hopes that Todd would be able to start the second semester of his ninth grade year and we would be able to put the cancer journey behind us. By January he began to have more pain and scans revealed another tumor had formed in his vena cava. Medically speaking, there was nothing more that could be done for him.

Todd lost his battle with cancer on May 10, 2013 just two months after his sixteenth birthday.

Todd’s cancer journey may seem sad and it may appear that nature just took its course, but I have come to see things from a different point of view. The Lord had a lot to teach me regarding His plans versus my man-made agenda, and it’s been a long and difficult battle.

When Todd died, I was emotionally devastated, but even more so I was spiritually devastated.

I was very disappointed in God. He wasn’t who I thought He was.

Literally thousands of people had prayed for Todd’s healing. I claimed verses that, to me, meant God would heal Todd no matter how bleak the situation seemed. Matthew 8:2 says, “And behold, a leper came to him and knelt before him saying, ‘Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.’

I had tried so desperately to do everything in my power to save my son’s life. I wondered how God would receive any glory if Todd just died as, I assumed, everyone thought he would. I thought the only way God would receive any glory would be if He healed Todd. Although I tried to trust that God’s ways were best, I battled dark and sad emotions.

Several months after Todd died, a lifelong friend reminded me that a drowning person couldn’t be saved until they stop flailing. I wondered if that was how God viewed me.

He waited to send me a lifeline until I was ready to stop fighting Him and be still before Him. When I quietly asked Him for answers, He met my needs in a powerful way.

One beautiful morning I plopped down by Todd’s grave and began to cry. “Lord, why did you heal Todd in Charleston if You were just going to take him away?” I felt as though Todd’s brief health recovery had just been a tease.

Although His answer was inaudible, He spoke His answer straight to my heart…“To give you time.”

From that moment on, I began to look back and appreciate the time God had given us and to realize with tremendous gratitude, His love for Todd and for me and for our whole family in all of the circumstances leading up to Todd’s illness and death.

We made precious family memories after Todd’s surgery and up until the day he died. The Lord could have taken him before any of those events took place.

In reading God’s Word, I realized that Todd’s days were numbered before the beginning of time. Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me when as yet there were none of them.” That verse showed me Todd was always going to be born on March 4, 1997 and he was always going to die on May 10, 2013. Cancer did not cut Todd’s life short.

I also realized the Lord didn’t have to give him to me at all. I was blessed to be Todd’s mother for sixteen wonderful years. His life was God’s gift to me and one I will always cherish.  

Throughout Todd’s illness I observed an unbelievable peace in his life. It wasn’t a peace Todd mustered up in his own strength. The peace I observed was the peace God promised in Philippians 4:7, which says, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

In the days leading up to the actual diagnosis I gave way to despair wondering if Todd had cancer, but when we had the confirmation that Todd actually had cancer, my heart only experienced peace. It was not that I felt no emotion at such a devastating diagnosis, but in the midst of it, God gave me His inexplicable peace and I knew He was in control. I saw His peace in Todd’s life.  

Todd was fifteen years old at the time of his diagnosis. While all of his friends were starting high school and playing soccer, he was lying in a hospital bed with chemo flowing through his veins, yet through it all, his bright smile remained. Only God could have given him that kind of peace.

I also came to realize that God has a Master Plan and whether or not I understand, it must not determine whether or not I trust it.

As we walked with Todd through his cancer journey, one of the main passages of scripture that troubled me was John 11. Why did Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead, yet He did not heal my son when so many people asked God to heal him? Jesus wanted to visibly show the people that He was/is the Resurrection and the Life. At that time, they only knew there was a resurrection to come. They did not yet believe that the Man standing before them truly was the Resurrection and the Life.

I have the written Word of God and everything I need to know and believe about life and death is found in that book. Because Jesus died and rose again, and because Todd accepted His free gift of salvation, Todd lives today.

Death had no victory over Todd. He simply passed from this life into the next. John 11:26 says, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God.” That statement is what the Lord has chosen to reveal to me about Todd’s death. It happened for His glory.

Even if the Lord has chosen to heal Todd of his cancer, he still would have died one day. Death is the curse of sin. I began to wonder if all the while I was trying to spare Todd from death by cancer, the Lord was sparing Todd from far worse things in this lifetime. I thank the Lord all the time that my precious son is now safe from all the evil in this world.

I miss Todd more than I can express, but I do not sorrow as others who have no hope.

I have more than a hope that I will see Todd again. I have a promise from the Creator of the Universe.

1 Thessalonians 4:17 says, “Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.”   I look forward to that day with all my heart.

Until then, my Savior holds my treasure!

high road 2487128087_d0eeea1cff_z


My son-in-law Adam (Kalyn's husband) is a righteous young man. His high morals and love for God keep him always looking for the high road. I love that. He is always calling me upward to the call of God.

He is also an amazing steward over all his finances....and very careful with his money.

So when he sent me this article this morning, I knew I needed to take a look.

10 Ways Your Thriftiness May Border on Theft

Parents, this is checkup time!!

While we are trying to lead our kids into thriftiness....are we actually committing theft???



Image: Arsen Guschin “IMG_0133” via Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC 2.0)



scream 5093910979_9edda8ec29_z

I had to click on this link that claimed to identify these "5 Bad Child Behaviors."

I was curious...and wondering if I would agree with the author's list!

I have to admit...I think he did a good job of identifying the problems.

And I was even thinking the author did a reasonable job of saying we must nip these in the bud early!

But if you are like me, when I have encountered these 5 problems (lying, disrespect of authority, unkind words, aggressive behavior, and laziness)…

 I needed more help!

 I needed the strong love of the Father...

the wisdom of the Holy Spirit...

and the anointing of Jesus.

 Are you facing any of these bad behaviors in one of your children? If so, I want to encourage you today.

Do not give up.

Do not soften and decide the problems are no big deal.

And do not think you are the only Christian parent who has had to battle through the sin nature of your children's flesh.

Parent, God has a solution. Sometimes the solution takes l-o-n-g-e-r than we want it to take.

My best advice? Prayer.

Sincere prayer for guidance, clarity, resolve, and patience to teach and train them up...while still loving them in the midst of their fleshly mess!

Someday you will look back at this problem. (I know. People used to tell me that, and I did not really believe them either!)

It will be in your past....and you will note how God faithfully delivered your family out!

Best regards,


Image: Greg Westfall “scream” via Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)




OK, ladies. This one is for you. Read it and have a good cry.

Have you been looking for a great way to try and explain the earthshaking importance of motherhood to your kids...and you know they only "partly get it?"

We live in a world that normalizes children having children. And single young women having a babies before marriage.

And we as moms know this is a big deal!!

But sometimes we have trouble explaining why.

This woman nailed the explanation.

Read it ...and pass it to a girlfriend who gets it ...or someone who you wish would get it!


Time is running out for my friend.

We are sitting at lunch when she casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."  What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown and she is considering the prospect of motherhood.

"We're taking a survey," she says, half jokingly. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say carefully.

"I know," she says. "No more sleeping in on Saturdays, no more spontaneous vacations..."

But that is not what I mean at all.

I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her.  I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.  I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbirth heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with (Read the rest here.)

Image: Wirawat Lian-udom “Happy Motherhood” via Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)






J puppy IMG_1854

I am tired of my 8 year old son being b-o-m-b-a-r-d-e-d with sexual imagery!

I want his biggest concern today to be whether our new puppy was the one who dug the ugly hole in our backyard. (That was his crisis of the morning!)

I want him to be a pre-adolescent innocent kid!

Not someone who has to have an opinion on the rainbow draped White House and Chobani yogurt ads.

Problem is....he is living in the same world that I am and you are. And we know his ears will pick up on the cultural talk.

So here are some helpful ways I have found to give him the childhood he deserves!

1. Get my definitions correct.

Jesus says we should be "innocent as doves but wise as serpents." (Matthew 10:16)

Notice He did not say we should be naive (meaning gullible and easily tricked) or ignorant (meaning uninformed of something you should be warned about.)

In our parenting today, it will be up to us to sort out this important difference!

Miriam Webster online has these definitions of innocence:


a  :  freedom from guilt or sin through being unacquainted with evil :  blamelessness

b  :  chastity

c  :  freedom from legal guilt of a particular crime or offense 

(1)  :  freedom from guile or cunning :  simplicity (2)  :  lack of worldly experience or sophistication

We want our kids to be free because they have no personal experience with evil.

And we want to celebrate their lack of worldly experience or sophistication as good!

2. Remove media as needed.

Every family must make their own decision about the use of television and movies. But make no mistake about it. Every random unsupervised hour of viewing challenges our kids' innocence like nothing else.

3. Go back to having real fun!

Getting dirty in the back yard. Building a fort. Making a horrible mess in the kitchen inventing a cake. Dragging out the picture albums. Playing the board games. 

What if you intentionally turned the hands of the clock back a few years and did not do something electronic! (Warning: you will have more mess to clean up. Hmm. Could that be one reason we allow them to plug into the media stuff anyway? Perhaps as parents we better decide what kind of mess we would really rather have!)

4. Frame… but don't remove human drama.

Some parents in an effort to do #3 and #4 inadvertently sanitized their kids’ world into a state that made them even more curious (and vulnerable) to the television and movie industry! I have watched this in myself and others.

The fact is, we cannot keep our kids in a nursery Winnie the Pooh land. Their own human curiosity will break them out! 

Instead, frame the drama with a biblical perspective.   Start by checking out the Old Testament. It is full of drama and disaster. It is not sweet and sterile and cute. It reveals history in all its flare. Good vs. evil. Obedience vs. rebellion. These are true stories, which according to 1 Corinthians 10:6 & 11, “occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did….These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come.”

Over the years I have noticed books can be a real help in this area. But what if you have a child without reading skills or desires?

When Josiah, my eight year old, was five, I got him interested in audio books. I gave him a bucket of Legos and let that imagination of blood and guts and drama be satisfied with classical books of the past. Boy stuff like Robinson Crusoe and Swiss Family Robinson.

5. STOP the your own mind and reject them in others who influence your kids.

I was appalled when I read about the Facebook post by Hillary Clinton affirming a gender-confused child. What could have led him to identify himself as homosexual at such a young age? He needs counseling, prayer, love and truth… not more confusion.

Then I read the outrageous story of the lesbian teacher who intentionally altered kindergarteners view of sexuality!

I have made up my mind these things will not define my kids...(or grandkids!) I will do what it takes to protect them. (Think mama bear here!)

Take an inventory in your kids' lives. Who is in danger of stealing their innocence right now? Who do you need to back them away from???

6. Pray for them every day

In reality....only God will protect my kids from this mess. My job is to pray, trust, and act on the leading of the Holy Spirit.