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If you have teenagers in your life that you care about who are attempting to navigate this ridiculous culture,then you should read Reggie Osborne's She Only Said “Yes” Once.

Warning: there are some strong words and sexual terms in this post. But no less than what almost all of our kids are being exposed to on a regular basis!

This author makes a good attempt at explaining what's really happening in our kids' world.

I often hear from parents who have been shocked to discover their children's sexual behaviors.

Many of these are good Christian people who truly believed their children would make wiser choices.

Many of these parents are devastated and left discouraged and overwhelmed.

This is a great time to remind all of us to step into this discussion with our children. Now.

Here is a great quote to encourage you to read further:

One generation…two generations, have grown up in a culture where sex means practically nothing on TV and media, and so they’ve actually embraced the idea that it means nothing in real life!  They’ve heard the message and believed it:  “Sex is no big deal”.  They feel totally inadequate and unfulfilled if they aren’t having it.

And we have done such a good job teaching that message, that now 1 in 5 women who attend college for four years say they’ve been sexually assaulted.  Or is it 1 in 7, like the authors of the study tried to clarify in TIME Magazine?  Am I supposed to feel better about 1 in 7, as opposed to 1 in 5?  Is that supposed to comfort me?

Read the full article here.

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See these related posts:

Sex Education: 8 keys to talking to your children

Talking to Kids about Sex: 5 Reasons It Can be Hard

Sex and Your Children: What You Don’t Know

Is Marriage Optional for Our Kids?

The Sex Ed Book List I Promised

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Yesterday one of my kids suffered a real setback and disappointment.

As I watched him struggle through the pain, I wanted desperately to find a way to fix it. But....that was not to be.

Don't you just hate it when your kids are in pain? Wouldn't you join me in wishing that the problems in this fallen world would not touch those that we love?

As I was carefully selecting what I should say to ease his pain, it struck me the potential weight my words could carry.

Parents, we hold an amazing responsibility in stewarding over our children's young lives.

Our words can frame their world for success and hope....or cut them to failure and despair.

Sometimes in the "big events" like I experienced yesterday we are keenly aware of this power. But what about the everyday moments that are not so monumental?

Today, I am challenging myself to identify key phrases that are too dangerous to ever utter. Here are my first top 3 that come to mind:

3 Things We Should Never Say to Our Kids:

1. You always do…   Watch out for the absolute declarations. Our kids are still in process! God would never say that about us!

2. You never do...   This is a mirror image of number 1. And it is not helpful either!

3. Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?   Comparison is so deadly. Check out 2 Corinthians 10:12.

What would you add to this list?

I love this little article from John Trent that helps us replace those old, bad phrases with words of affirmation that can nourish our kids' hearts.

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Trust between a parent and child is critical.

Without it the whole relationship is compromised and challenged.

Kids and teens generally want their parents to trust them. They seem to recognize instinctively trust's power to control their lives.

As parents, we want our kids to be promoted into new levels of responsibility and freedom.

But we are very quick to recognize that trust is the only real pathway to freedom.

When our children make errors, trust is injured and consequence result.

Sometimes the level of trust violation is so deep that serious changes must occur.

Kids who are found with drugs, or who sneak out the bedroom window alter their own destinies.

But we as their parents are never to give up on them....even if they have greatly disappointed us by their foolish choices.

Here are 8 possible things to say when trust has been violated:

1. Trust has been injured, but trust can be rebuilt.

2. Trust is injured in an instant, but can be rebuilt over periods of time.

3. Though the trust aspect of our relationship has been damaged by your actions....the love aspect of our relationship is 100% intact and sure.

4. I love you too much to allow you to hurt yourself like that again therefore we will need to make this adjustment in our family policies:_____________

5. When I am convinced of your sincere repentance (not just your sorrow that you got caught), we will begin down the road to restoration.

6. I believe the Lord will restore what has been loss here if we will give Him the opportunity to work in our hearts.

7. In this family, promotion comes when trust is earned. If you want promotion, you must choose the pathway of trustworthy, right choices.

8. I am anticipating you will make some errors along the way to growing up. I am sure we can agree that this was a significant error. But I believe in the man/woman God is calling you to become. I have already seen the potential in you! We will get past this with God's help.

Parents, do not be too quick to restore privileges that have been lost because of trust violations. Give your kids the gift of integrity. They may not thank you on the spot! (In fact, they may wail and cry!)

But later on, they will respect your wise parenting...and maybe even come back to thank you!

Lisa

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Related posts:
“Don’t You Trust Me to Drive?”
“You Don’t Trust Me”…Responding to Teens on Internet Use

The Sex Ed Book List I Promised

I have intentionally been doing some parental "continuing education" on the topic of how to talk to your kids about sexuality. In last Monday's post, Sex Education: 8 keys to talking to your children, I mentioned I had been doing some reading. Some of you messaged me wanting to know what I had been reading, so today I am sharing some of the resources I have been reviewing. Some of them were new to my library....and some were trusted standbys that I reviewed with fresh eyes.

Please do not take this as an exhaustive list. In fact, I will be adding to it over time. But each of these titles has been significant to me, so perhaps they will also help you!

I cannot endorse every idea in all these resources. Please note that I believe there is a great deal of room for parental style in how to present this issue! Take what you like and leave the rest....that is what I do when I read parenting books under the leadership of the Holy Spirit.

Books Lisa has been reading lately (Click on cover picture to order):

Books to read with kids:

Why Boys and Girls are Different by Carol Greene

The Story of Me by Stan and Brenna Jones

Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge

The Wonderful Way Babies are Made by Larry Christenson

What's the Big Deal? Why God Cares About Sex by Stan and Brenna Jones

Before I Was Born by Carolyn Nystrom

I have used each of these resources with my kids at different stages. I think they can each be effective in their own way.

Books to learn more as a parent:

Every Young Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge: This is a great discussion starter with your girls that includes a section for mom ...and then a section for mom (or dad) and daughter.

Beautifully Made: 1 Approaching Womanhood;
2 Celebrating Womanhood
edited by Julie Hiramine

Guardians of Purity by Julie Hiramine
A new read for me. Excellent book! I loved it!

Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson
This is a classic! It is so helpful to review the growth and development needs of your kids on a regular basis.

A Covenant with My Eyes by Bob Sorge
Wow ! This takes issues of purity straight to the heart!

Talking to Your Kids About Sex by Mark Laaser Ph.D.
Great help for those coming to their parenting with wounds and hurts in their past. I didn't agree with all the conclusions in the last half, but I found it very helpful.

A Queer Thing Happened to America by Michael L Brown Ph.D.
I did not know the history of the gay agenda ....which is the history of the sexual pressures of this generation. I learned so much here that is helping me explain things to my kids.

Can You be Gay and Christian? By Michael L Brown Ph.D.
This book is a must if we are to handle the theological questions our kids are bound to ask in a rapidly shifting culture.

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Talking with our children about sexuality is sometimes hard. :)  In my last post, I explored the reasons why this important topic is so often avoided or put off.

I have already determined that I am going to talk about it even though it makes me uncomfortable.

My children are precious, and I will not leave them to find their own way about sex with the cultural mess we are facing. How about you?

Here are 8 keys for a successful plan.

 1. Make education your lifestyle rather than an event: The concept of "the big talk" is not realistic. For just as our children do not learn everything they need to know about history from one big talk, they will not learn everything about sexuality in one sitting.  

 2. Read up on the issue yourself: Just this past summer I read two books on Christian sexuality education and our kids. I know I need a continuing education on this topic, so I keep learning!

3. Find good resources for you and your children to share together: Do yourself a favor and put some tools in your hands. Of course, we want those resources to portray a biblical worldview!

4. Read the books aloud together: Let the author say the tough words for you.....but don't just toss the book at your child and leave the room. When the words come out of your mouth, it opens the door for the words to come out of your child's mouth when they have questions or issues.

5. Admit your nervousness: Remember it is okay that you feel nervous! I find it best to let my child know that I am nervous because this is a private topic, not because it is a "bad" topic. Let them know it is okay if they feel a little nervous too! It will put them at ease.

6. Do not demand eye contact: Young teens especially are self-conscious. It is all right if they do not make eye contact in these discussions or if they giggle or sigh. Let them deal with embarrassment their own way without reproving them. Sometimes a discussion in the car is good with all eyes facing forward. 

7. Use natural teachable moments: Daily life will give you a myriad of discussion starters. Use both the positive and the negative images around you to open the conversation lines. The more you do this, the more natural this will be. 

8. Read the Bible aloud: Do you realize how much of the Bible deals in one way or another with the issue of sexuality? Let the scriptures you read as a family lead you into teachable moments. Don't skip over the texts that are there to help us. (Try Proverbs 5 and you will see what I mean!)

When I talk about this list of suggestions with parents, I usually hear three common questions:

  1. What books and resources do you recommend?
  2. What should I tell my kids at what age?
  3. Which parent should talk about which issues with the kids?

 So those are the questions I am working on next........

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