Archives For parenting errors

 Lisa driveway gouge

By Lisa Cherry

I was backing my car out of our circular driveway this morning only to encounter a familiar problem. Poor backing skills.

You would think I would have this problem conquered after all these years of driving. I don't.

Instead I watched the view in the rearview mirror of my car heading off to the grass.

I could see Doug's face grimacing (even though he was nowhere in sight) as I was over on that part of the yard he has so patiently tried to keep covered in grass.

But now that my wheels were clearly doing their damage, I was faced with a new problem.

Should I keep going with a wheel adjustment hoping to "arc" my way back onto the pavement?

Or should I stop, pull forward, realign, and try it again.

I kind of wish I would have tried option 2. :(

Isn't that how it is sometimes when we get our parenting leadership going off course? We know we are headed into disaster. And yet it is tough to figure out how to get back on track.

Here are my top thoughts on how to make changes in parenting direction when you know you are off track:

1. Have the courage to stop and reconsider your path.

2. Pray and ask God for wisdom to see where you got off.

3. Recognize that course corrections are not instantaneous. They usually take time.

4. I really don't recommend the "arc" method. Swinging even wider off course is a rough way to get back on!  (And it generally tears up more turf in the process!)

5. "Stop and realign" is what God does best in our lives. Trust Him. And take His way over your own foolish path.

Do you have some things off track in your home?

Attitudes
Relationships
Priorities

I am grateful for a God who might grimace at my poor leadership, but never forsakes me when I need His wisdom and grace.

So many parents live a lifetime of regrets because they never had the courage to get back on track! I don't know about you but I don't want to look in my rearview mirror when I'm old and say.....

Wow, I sure wish I would have changed...

I am praying for you and your family today.

Courage.
Clarity.
Wisdom.
Decisions.

Will you pray for me too?

(And don't worry. Doug has more grass seed ready to sow!)

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Gratefully linked to:
Modest Mondays
Making your Home Sing Monday
Tell Me a True Story
Babies &  Beyond

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I'm on the radio!

mic on boom arm 2587506121_b63688c9c4Beginning Monday, April 7: Listen for my 3 minute parenting tips on AFR (American Family Radio) on Mondays between 2:20 and 2:40 p.m. Central time, during Lauren Kitchens’ show.

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Operation Enduring Freedom

By Lisa Cherry

When your teen explodes, and you’re facing a parental crash and burn, you’d probably prefer that it not be played out in the media for all the nation to see. 

But that’s what happened last week when the court case of a disgruntled 18 year old suing her parents was our focus. 

Perhaps this week we could focus on the healing of the same family!

We have reason for hope. The girl returned home to her family this week, as they are trying desperately to get out of the public light.

While this story has players and plots we do not know firsthand, many of us are watching families (and even perhaps our own family) dealing with these types of explosive issues.

So here is my word for the day:  Compassion.

Nobody wants to see their teen explode. Nobody plans on this kind of behavior for their kids.

And for those who suffer this pressure, we want to extend our hand of support.

Likely these parents who were thrust into the public eye are doing exactly what all of us do when we have a parental crash and burn.

They are mourning for their errors and regrets. And now they are looking for solutions and hope.

Isn't it good to know there is always hope in Jesus Christ!

He has the answers to the most complicated of relationship trials. When we come to Him in humility and trust, He, as a good Daddy, can save us...even from ourselves.

Rebellious teens are all around us. Hurting parents are right there too.

Will you join me in extending a hand of compassion? Will you stop right now and pray for those who need our support and love???

And if you are the one in tears as you read this post, know that I am praying for you today. I have been there ....and come back.

If you need a hand of support, I  would like to recommend my book, UnMask the Predators: The Battle to Protect Your Child.

God sees your pain. And He has a plan!

With Love,
Lisa

P.S.  Book Giveaway: We will be giving away a copy of UnMask the Predators to one of the readers who comments on this post.  The drawing will be held on March 21.  Click here and scroll down to comment.

Image:
DVIDSHUB "1st Marine Logistics Group "Forward" disposes of expired ammunition in Afghanistan"
License:
Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

 

Related posts:

“I’m 18, I’m an Adult, and I Make My Own Rules…”

Teen Rebellion: Helping Your Teen Overcome This Temptation

Mission Accomplished: She Rebelled So Hard, But God’s Plan Prevailed

See all of my posts about teen rebellion at my Teen Rebellion Help Page for Parents.

Gratefully linked to:
Fellowship Fridays

Faith Filled Friday
Essential Fridays

 

 

big mouth 837375_mouthBy Lisa Cherry

Here's one of the best of Lisa's past posts, which has now been updated.  It was first published on April 14, 2012.  -Admin

I have written about the awful problem of parenting mess-ups. Perhaps you are like me and would really like to reduce your goofs!

As I was praying one morning the Lord reminded me through scripture of one of my biggest obstacles to quality parenting: An unrestrained mouth!

I can certainly relate to James' description of the tongue as being tougher for man to tame than the fiercest wild animal!

Seems like when I try to do the job of containing my words on my own, that is when I keep opening mouth and inserting foot!

But the good news for us parents is ...we are not on our own! God can and will give us the power to speak words of life instead of words of death over our kids, if we will take His power His way.

My best suggestion to tapping into His resource? Begin to let His words begin to do their supernatural work over your mouth. God's word is living and active and able to produce results in my life.

I have a scripture confession that I speak over myself every morning, as a prayer of declaration. Here’s the part about my mouth:

You’ve put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to my God. (Ps 40:3)

His praise will always be on my lips. (Ps 34:1)

May my lips overflow with praise. (Ps 119:171)

I will put a muzzle on my mouth, and I will keep my tongue from sin. (Ps 39:1)

I will not let this book of the law depart from my mouth. (Joshua 1:8)

I keep my lips from speaking lies. (Ps 34:13)

I keep a tight rein on my tongue. (James 1:26)

The Lord is my help for no man can tame the tongue. (James 3:8)

I have wisdom, she is my sister and the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Pro 12:18)

I only speak that which is good to edifying. (Eph 4:29)

If you earnestly pray this every day, the truth of His ways will get into you, and you, too, will begin to see changes in your own life. I am certain of this!

The full version of my confession starts on page 197 of my book, UnMask the Predators.

 

Read Part 1 and Part 2 of Cleaning Up After Messy Parenting Moments.

 

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football bridal veilBy Lisa Cherry

If it was up to me, football tackling could be outlawed for my boys.

If it was up to Doug, the girls might all wear the same wedding dress and just pass it down the line. 

Parents don’t always see eye to eye.  With the multitude of decisions necessary in raising children, sorting out our conflicts is a real challenge on an easy day!

But in times of crisis or stress, the pressures tend to bring out more differences. Divorced, blended families and mixed religion homes.... Wow, the obstacles to unity can be overwhelming.

Here are ten keys Doug and I have found helpful for maintaining unity in our leadership. Perhaps many of them would be helpful for you today. Modify them as needed for your particular home situation.

1. Maintain personal humility
.
Pride goes before a fall and God gives His grace to the humble. Those are two dandy reasons I have found to allow the Holy Spirit to examine my heart for pride!

2. Recognize that Dad and Mom have unique views for a reason. We are designed differently, and this can be a source of strength. Learn to celebrate the heart passion connection of the mother and the logical reasoning of the father. God must have thought kids need both!

3. Purpose to never put the other parent down in front of the children or in front of others. This is important in strong Christian two-parent homes as well as single parent homes. Honor the position of father or mother even if you cannot honor the behavior of that other parent. Ask God for the wisdom to speak words of life. The kids follow our example of honor/submission or dishonor/rebellion.

4. Do not give an answer to the children before consulting the other parent on significant or controversial decisions. Let them see you as a team that works together. "I will talk with your father/mother about that and get back to you," needs to be a common matter of course.

5. Do not allow your kids to play one parent off the other.
This family behavior leads to parental strife and oversensitivity. We have taught our children that trying to move around my "no" by going to Doug or vice versa will result in their loss.....and a significant punishment!

6. Learn to hear out the viewpoint of the other parent. Listening is a skill that can be matured.

7. Honor each other even when someone makes a parenting error.
This is critical to a marriage. Notice I said "when" not "if." All of us will make errors and no one likes failure. How we handle one another in those vulnerable moments can either bring strength and healing, or weakness and disaster.

8. Pray together. God knows more than either parent. He will respond to our cries for wisdom and courage. Cancel arguing with each other and drop to your knees together!

9. Be willing to wait longer than is comfortable for a final answer until you reach proper agreement. Your children will respect your sincere efforts to reach a God-honoring decision even if they may be irritated by your delay. And by watching your sincere efforts, they are learning positive marriage and interpersonal skills.

10. Consider the possibility that both parents may be partially right and the decision needs a creative combination of each person's viewpoint.
I am constantly amazed at how often this is true for Doug and me. IF we are flowing well with keys 1-9, we have the opportunity to see God pull us through the tough scrapes of parenting. If we do not have keys 1-9 flowing smoothly......well, perhaps we better not go there! :)

 What keys have you found that has helped your family? We would love to hear your ideas.

Click here, then scroll down to the end of the post to leave a comment. 

Perhaps your family or someone you are close to is in the midst of a tough parenting situation. No matter what the problem may be, the Victory Battle Plan found in our Unmask resources can be a tremendous help. We would love to get it into your hands. The Unmask kit is on sale this month:

 Unmask Kit

March special: Unmask the Predators Parents Kit. Includes Unmask book, workbook, and six part video teaching. $42 value. $40 regular price....but this month only $25 plus free shipping!!!  Click here to visit our store.

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This post is gratefully linked to:  Top Ten Tuesday    Titus 2sdays     Titus 2 Tuesdays     Tuesday Tips   Teach Me Tuesdays       Domestically Divine Tuesdays        Encourage One Another    Works for Me Wednesday    Wifey Wednesday      Wholehearted Home Wednesday    Tell His Story     Winsome Wednesday      Marital Oneness Mondays     Welcome Home    Modest Mondays  Marriage Monday

Image courtesy of Michael Lorenzo

By Lisa Cherry

Hey, if I did anything wrong, sorry about that.

I shouldn’t have done that….but you just made me so mad I couldn’t help it.

Sorry.

Why are you so upset anyway?  ...OK, I’m sorry!

Have you ever gotten an apology that you would rather not have received? In fact, it almost seemed to backfire on the situation making for more strife and pain. Such is the problem with half-hearted or ill-conceived words.

My young children have offered these kinds of responses to get out of sticky situations and disciplines. And it seems I can see right through them. So why would I think my children could not see through my own inadequate efforts of apology?

Reckless words pierce like a sword… (Proverbs 12:18) When we accidentally pierce our own children, are we skilled at the second half of that verse which says …but the tongue of the wise brings healing?

I ran across a powerful book by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas called The Five Languages of Apology. Wow, am I under some conviction! I thought I was good at making amends, but I discovered I have much need of improvement.

How about you? Are you saying too many goofy things to clean up your parenting errors?

More of what I am learning coming up!

Read Part 1 of Cleaning Up After Messy Parenting Moments.

The Straightened Path