Archives For Parenting Skills


Photo courtesy George Hodan

When I read the title of the recent article How To Raise a Self-Righteous, Selfish Christian Kid, my stomach did a flip flop. Yuck! That is exactly the descriptive words I have wanted to avoid becoming attached to my Christian Kids.... so I wisely took a peak to see what it said.

This paragraph stood out to me:

A continual reliance on external motivators enhances a person's selfishness as it exchanges a little gratification for a desired behavior. Children raised in homes where external motivation dominated the leadership strategy ask different questions about life such as, "Are you going to pay me for this?" Not only does behavior modification encourage selfishness, but it also removes the moral motivations necessary for healthy and mature decision-making. Kids then tend to ask the question, "What's in it for me?" instead of "What's the right thing to do?"

What do you think about the authors' conclusions? Do external motivators like....

Reward charts
Allowance systems
Monetary incentives


Can these things become crutches that interfere with our kids' development instead of enhance it?

My personal observation says yes!  I have noticed that my best designed reward systems over the years seem to have often backfired on me just like the authors described.

It seems to me that this issue of whether to reward behavior is not a total either/or question. I am not ready to cancel all encouragement for right behaviors. But the authors' point is well taken. If our kids are addicted to external motivation, they will never grow to be the mature Christian women and men that will lead the church into the future.

So this week I am praying about this issue as I ask The Lord for WISDOM and BALANCE.

Care to join me?

Addict 2180616773_dda211b4b1By Lisa Cherry

Do you know what class of drugs is most commonly abused by teenagers today? 

Since two states have made it completely legal, and 18 have legalized it for medical use, you might think it’s marijuana.  But it’s not.

I ran across the answer, and a lot more, in an incredibly well-written article by Mark Gregston of Heartlight Ministries on teen drug use.

With one out of every five teens abusing alcohol, illegal, or legal drugs on a regular basis, these parent tips are critical for today's families.

Please take a few moments to read A Crash Course in Teen Drug Use and learn the latest things all parents need to know. 



Image source

School bus 6324834284_a1a0dba917By Lisa Cherry

Sodomy hazing…some have called it normal, run-of-the-mill behavior

Perhaps boys will be boys, wouldn’t you agree?  

I didn’t think so. 

But parents, you need to know this: Acceptance of this perverse act is gaining ground.

I was absolutely outraged at this story about a 13 year old western Colorado boy and his family. The young athlete, a son of the school principal, was "hazed" in a shocking criminal act.  

The perpetrators, who were upper classmen, cornered their victim on a school bus after others had exited the bus at a wrestling tournament.

When the horrified father worked to protect his son, he was met with a coach who said "This happens 1,000 times a day around the U.S." 

The school superintendent gave the perpetrators a one-day, in-school suspension.

The community rose to defend not the victim, but the ones who attacked him.  He was teased repeatedly. One mother paid for T-shirts with a slogan using the initials of the suspects.

Angry that the father had reported the crime to the police, parents demanded he resign his position as principal.

This is outlandish!  Blaming the victim? Treating a brutal, perverse act as if it were a childish prank? Ostracizing a family for reporting dangerous, illegal behaviors?

We could just conclude it is an isolated incident of one mean-spirited community. But I don't think that is the explanation.

On the same day that I read that awful story, a mom contacted me who had faced a similar bullying problem.  Her 14 year old daughter had been sexually attacked by a 20 year old man who had been seen hanging around school events.

The school officials said the sexual encounter was "pretty normal" and accused the mother of being over protective. Her daughter was displaying severe symptoms of post-abuse trauma.  And the daughter’s friends were bullying her for reporting the crime!

Parents, I think we are entering a new season of escalated danger. As sexual perversion has been "normalized," we are losing our ability to protect our own kids!

Here are three suggestions we, as parents, need to consider.

1. Parents MUST speak up! Take this story to your school officials and ask: What safeguards are in place to prevent this from happening in our school? Is "hazing" normal here?

2. Talk with your kids' coaches. Explain your concerns about this incident and ask the same question. What are their views on "normal" team teasing/bullying behaviors?

3. Recognize the danger. Pray for wisdom of how to safeguard your child's participation in activities.

What other suggestions would you have for your fellow Frontline Parents?

Will you join me in praying for the two families I mentioned above.....and for the thousands of others their stories represent?

(If you have not read our book, Unmask the Predators, we encourage you to get a copy. Parents are the best defenders of children and teens!)

Gratefully linked to    Mommy Momments  Modest Mondays   The Better Mom

swimwear vintageBy Lisa Cherry

When I saw Jessica Rey’s video on the evolution of the swim suit, I was stunned.

This is a must see for parents and a great pick for your daughters and sons.

I encourage you, invest the ten minutes. You won't regret it!

And then send us your thoughts via comments!

Image via Wikipedia


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Kalyn Cherry Waller

By: Kalyn Cherry Waller
Have you ever had a heated discussion in your home about wardrobe choices? I know in my teen years, clothing became a source of regular disagreements between my parents and me. Often times, it became a downright ugly scene, ending with misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and rebellion mixed all together.
Many times there is such a disconnect between a parent's wisdom and a teen's desire to fit in, that common ground is hard to find.
If just the word "modesty" brings tension in your home, I encourage you not to give up on the issue. It is a hard topic, filled with sensitivities. But I believe God is able to help you guide your teen through clothing choices and even have the courage to draw the lines where the lines need drawn. I am very thankful my parents did just that!
Here is a great resource to help you get the conversation started:


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