Archives For Sexual Abuse

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We have never done this before.

We have assembled a team of experts to teach parents how to keep kids safe from sexual predators.

Next week, October 27-31, we will hear from them during:

National Sexual Abuse Prevention Week for Homeschoolers

I have studied this issue for years... and yet, as I have talked to these leaders, I have already learned so many new things!

Please—will you give this your attention? And pass it on to your friends?

I believe we must continue to update our education as our children grow and mature.... and as we see our culture slipping into darkness.

While we are marketing this event to a homeschool audience, these speakers will be teaching all of us what we need to know.

The government will not be our best protections for our kids. Parents and concerned leaders will

Laws and enforcement are important… but prevention is the key!

Choose the sessions that are most interesting to you and listen in live, or access the sessions in the archive afterward at frontlinefamilies.org.

Check out this list of topics:

Monday, October 27
3:00 p.m. EDT
2:00 p.m. CDT
1:00 p.m. MDT
12:00 noon PDT
Sexual Abuse Protection 101 for Homeschoolers -Stephanie Adams, MA, LPC What homeschoolers must know now to keep kids safe. StephanieAdams will expound on the principles she taught on the article published recently on HSLDA’s website, The Safety Principles: Defending Children from Sexual Abuse. Do not assume you already know the basics! Some of the issues related to this problem will astound you. 
Monday, October 27
8:00 p.m. EDT
7:00 p.m. CDT
6:00 p.m. MDT
5:00 p.m. PDT
Why Is the Issue of Sexual Abuse so Complicated (and Heated!) in the Homeschool Community Today? - Doug and Lisa Cherry, and Kalyn Cherry Waller, authors Unmask the Predators: The Battle to Protect Your Child This session will take a sensitive, honest look at the unique challenges faced by homeschoolers when dealing with problems of sexual perversities and abuses. Why are the accusations of “abuse” among homeschoolers bringing strife, confusion and division to our homeschool community? The issues are complex….but the answers are not. From their unique vantage point of having suffered sexual abuse trauma and legal battles, the Cherry family of Frontline Family Ministries will lead a discussion on the central issue at hand. Be ready to call in with your questions and comments!
Tuesday, October 28
3:00 p.m. EDT
2:00 p.m. CDT
1:00 p.m. MDT
12:00 noon PDT
The Grooming Mystery - Angela Williams, Founder of Voice Today Abusers use secret strategies to trick their child and teen victims.  That is why even intelligent children, teens and adults can get tricked by the people that they trust!! Learn what Doug and Lisa Cherry did not know about grooming that allowed a sexual predator access to their homeschooled child. Angela Williams has developed a clear, concise training into this topic that must be mastered if we are to successfully protect our kids! 
Tuesday, October 28
8:00 p.m. EDT
7:00 p.m. CDT
6:00 p.m. MDT
5:00 p.m. PDT 
Healing Wounded Hearts - Dr. Diane Langberg, PhD, author of Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse and On the Threshold of Hope: Opening the Door to Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse wounds ignored are buried alive…only to damage lives and relationships later. Finding proper help is critical for God’s healing power to be released so that lives can be restored. In this sensitive discussion Dr. Diane Langberg will reveal common side effects of sexual abuse and point to successful paths of restoration for child, teen and adult victims.
Wednesday, October 29
3:00 p.m. EDT
2:00 p.m. CDT
1:00 p.m. MDT
12:00 noon PDT
Protecting Our Children by Recognizing How Sexual Predators Think and Act - Boz Tchividjian, Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment (G.R.A.C.E.), Professor of Law, Liberty University School of LawSexual predators can sneak into our lives and our communities. When we recognize their patterns of behavior, we can successfully stop them before they hurt our kids. Do you know your legal rights and responsibilities for protecting the children you know and love? Boz Tchividjian, as one of the most sought-after experts in his field, will give us the latest recommendations for our families as well as our churches and ministries.
Wednesday, October 29
8:00 p.m. EDT
7:00 p.m. CDT
6:00 p.m. MDT
5:00 p.m. PDT
The Swimsuit Lesson - Jon Holsten, author of The Swimsuit Lesson: Helping Parents Protect Their Children from Sexual PredatorsAs a former investigator and a loving dad, Jon Holsten knows that explaining to young children about sexual boundaries is critical. Jon’syears of law enforcement experienceand his book The Swimsuit Lesson will help you talk to your young children. What he teaches dispels fear while it advances safety.
Thursday, October 30
3:00 p.m. EDT
2:00 p.m. CDT
1:00 p.m. MDT
12:00 noon PDT
The 5 Proven Steps to Protecting our Kids - Elizabeth Warren, national leader in the field of child sexual abuse prevention educationAs director of one of the most successful organizations in America in developing strategies to protect children from abuse, Elizabeth Warren, National Programs Manager of Darkness to Light (D2L) has a wealth of information to share with homeschoolers. She will help us design a custom plan for our families that will keep us on our toes and equipped for every new environment our children encounter. Take advantage of her depth of knowledge! 
Thursday, October 30
8:00 p.m. EDT
7:00 p.m. CDT
6:00 p.m. MDT
5:00 p.m. PDT 
Teaching our Kids Self Protection Skills - Alli Neal, Co-Founder of Revved Up KidsWe can give our children and teens tools to defend themselves! Learning how to stay alert to danger and how to handle a would-be abuser is essential knowledge for today’s kids if they are to live safely and confidently in a world with unique dangers.  Alli Neal of Revved Up Kids will inspire you with her enthusiasm.
Friday, October 31
3:00 p.m. EDT
2:00 p.m. CDT
1:00 p.m. MDT
12:00 noon PDT 
Keeping Our Kids Safe Online - Luke Gilkerson, Covenant Eyes: Internet and Accountability FilteringParents today know the dangers lurking online to hurt their families….but they often feel powerless in supervising all the electronic devices that come into their families’ possession. Luke Gilkerson knows the facts we need to know, and he understands the strategies that will help us keep our kids safe. This session is also for you if you or your family members have already been entrapped in the snare of pornography…..and need a way out. 
Friday, October 31
8:00 p.m. EDT
7:00 p.m. CDT
6:00 p.m. MDT
5:00 p.m. PDT
Help! How Do I Talk to My Kids About Sex When I Am Nervous! - Julie Hiramine, founder and executive director of Generations of Virtue, mom and authorWe all want our children to internalize Godly values about sexuality. But that means we must be the ones to talk about these tough topics! How can we as homeschooling parents successfully build a communication and discipleship system in our homes that will be both God honoring and successful? Julie Hiramine from Generations of Virtue can help us gain a voice of confidence.

Here is a blog I was featured in this week in anticipation of the event:

Sexual Abuse Prevention Week for Homeschoolers

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This is big. In fact it is one of the most ambitious projects I have ever attempted. And I am looking to your help!!!

After the huge interest in the article I wrote titled An Open Letter To my Fellow Homeschool Parents, I knew we were called to do more to protect kids and families. So we have been working very hard to put together a nationwide event.

We have secured extremely qualified experts.

Put together a line up of powerful topics.

And are now passing the word to everyone we know.

WILL YOU HELP US GET THE WORD OUT TO YOUR CONTACTS BY SHARING THIS PUBLICITY?  (Friends, family, coop groups, churches.....)

If we will educate ourselves......and upgrade our policies.....we can keep our kids safe!

Make your plans to join us for the live interviews. And for the ones you can't make, make your plans to check out the archives on our site later.

Schedule for the week: http://frontlinefamilies.org/home/sexual-abuse-prevention-week-for-homeschoolers

Here is a link to Kalyn and Lisa's  interview on The Herman Show:
http://youtu.be/fNHgt_Mf-_E?list=PLvh66C3m2Ft_t5nsCU706Rros9aB3aHUg

Call or email me if you have questions about the event or special ideas about spreading the word about the event. lisa@frontlinefamilies.org.       800 213 9899

Thanks!

Lisa

Gratefully linked to:
Teaching What is Good
Good Morning Mondays
Modest Mondays
Titus 2 Tuesday
Finishing Strong Homeschooling Through Middle & High School

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When we discovered Kalyn had been sexually abused, I was totally stunned. We had always been so careful!  I could not believe that we could have been tricked.

Sadly, there were so many things about "grooming" behaviors that predators use that we did not know!

That is why I am so passionate to spare other families this pain. So here are 10 key facts about this mysterious thing called "grooming" that I wish I had known…

1. Grooming is the process used by predators to desensitized a victim.
Victims of sexual abuse do not usually perceive a way to escape. So they go along with the most horrible sexual acts of a perpetrator without getting help.

2. Grooming is a gradual process.
Here is a good short article  that describes the stages and methods of the technique. Understand the process so you can detect it! (Then read Kalyn's story to your kids so they can see how it happened to a real person.)

3. Grooming is hard to recognize.
When we went to the police in our case, they assured us that even the most astute observers can be tricked!

4. Grooming has a voice.
The victims are trapped by predictable words of flattery, manipulation, and threat. Read some of these words to your kids.

5. Grooming works even on "smart people."
Because it is a psychological/spiritual process, it can work past the gate of normal intellect.

6.  Grooming behaviors often involve an adult who is living on a teen or child level.
Predators often live in a child/teen world by playing, interacting, and talking as one of the "cool insider adults." They will break rules and hide the activities from the other adults in supervision.

7.  Adults and leaders who are supposed to be protecting kids and teens are often groomed first....before the victim.
Predators are often the most helpful, easy going, high functioning adults that you least expect. So it is easy to dismiss odd behaviors and fall into their deceptive trap.

8.  When a victim has been groomed to cooperate, they feel powerless to get help...but they are not powerless!
Kids and teens need to know you will always believe them and help them if they ever have a problem. They are not powerless with you on their side.

9.  Not everyone who is friendly and nice to our kids is grooming a victim, but our kids need to hear from us that we want to hear about all uncomfortable, suspicious behavior they observe.
No one wants to be a tattle tale, especially on a trusted adult. So we must build a relationship with our kids where it is okay to share all concerns even if they prove to be ungrounded.

10.  Ultimately only adults can protect teens and kids from sexual grooming behaviors.
Never depend on your child to recognize something that even experts say is tough to see.  Do the training, and talk to your kids, and most important, be alert and watchful.  Check out our book Unmask the Predators for help in designing plans to keep your kids safe in this sexually perverse culture.

Begin an ongoing conversation with your kids today about this incredibly important issue!

Do you know a friend who could use this help also? The more we spread the word, the more eyes and ears become alert to these dangers in your own community of people.

Image: Erin Blatzer: “Concentration: via Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

Gratefully linked to:
List It {Tuesday}
Wholehearted Home Wednesday
Faith Filled Friday

Related posts:
The Top 10 Things I Wish I Had Known about Child Sexual Predators Before it Happened to our Family

An Open Letter to My Fellow Homeschool Parents: Sexual Predator Accusations Among Homeschoolers?
Why We Called the Police and Why You Should Also

Parents Take Drastic Action; Teachers Defend Sexual Predator

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I am often asked by parents about how to handle child sleepovers in their family. To even broach this subject can sometimes feel uncomfortable because it raises so many interwoven issues such as:

At what age are they safe?
At what homes?
With what rules?

So I sometimes hear people practice speeches such as...

"Now if you are at someone's house and anyone touches you in a private spot or shows you pictures of naked people, I want you to call me right away."

I can appreciate the training intended by those speeches, and I have said similar things myself. But let's think logically for a moment.

Statistics show that it is very unlikely that a child will actually call for help, even after being told to do so by his/her parents.  But even if the child did call, the abuse would already have occurred!

That is why I am going to make a deep proposal.

No sleepovers. None.

I know that might sound extreme, but I am not the only voice proposing such a thing.

"I think the day for sleepovers is over,” says James Dobson.” Child abuse is so rampant today and so pervasive that you just can't afford to run the risk…”

So here are my reasons:

1. I cannot always tell which houses would be safe.

2. I don't want the job of declaring some houses off-limits and some on.

3. I remember my own sleepover experiences. Nothing abusive....but definitely major peer pressure in the middle of the night.

4. I do not know if other kids or visitors will suddenly come into the party scene.

5. Normal child curiosity in these days is no longer safe. One wrong click and a whole group of children is exposed.  And one child acting out a scene from even an R rated movie.....well....

6. Night breeds secrecy.

7. Children who have suffered abuse sometimes like to tell other kids their secrets. Sleepovers encourage secret telling. My child is not the one who can help another child.

8. In their struggle to deal with their problems, children who have been abused may act out sexually.  This will often manifest behind a closed bedroom door.

9. Obviously, older siblings as well as the adults in a household could be dangerous.

10. I don't want my kids having to police this or figure this out. It is too complex and too hard for a child or even teen!

11. Abuse may not happen, but grooming behaviors and relational boundaries are more accessible in overnight situations in a household. Abuse can follow later.

12. Kids cannot easily report to anyone suspicious grooming behaviors. That defies the definition of grooming! 

13. The issue in question might not be sexual. It may be substance abuse or wrong media standards. Leaving that control to another adult (or child or teen) is a highly risky delegation of responsibility.

14. Experimentation of same sex attraction is a new teen trend. Wow, we need to be aware! 

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Hey, I figure that whatever wholesome, above board activities kids have planned can be accomplished at a good, well-supervised party. So, I am the parent who is more than willing to make the late night trip to get the kids.  It may be inconvenient, or uncomfortable, but our children’s safety trumps those feelings.

Maybe you are not ready to make this bold of a move. But ....if you are not, then I encourage you to think through all the issues and find what risks you can take.

Please consider getting a copy of our book Unmask the Predators, to help you sort through what you need to know.

Lisa Cherry

Image #1: Bunches and Bits (Karina) “IMG_9999"  via Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Image #2:  Polly Hutchinson “Sleepover at the Bressons”  via Flickr Creative Commons
License:  Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

Gratefully linked to:
Fellowship Fridays
Heart-Filled Fridays
Modest Mondays
Making your Home Sing Monday
Babies &  Beyond
Titus 2 Tuesday

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Something amazing happened here last week.

I published my  article An Open Letter to My Fellow Homeschool Parents: Sexual Predator Accusations Among Homeschoolers?   

NOW 29,708 have read it already. And the number is growing every day!

Many of you are now new subscribers to Frontline Moms and Dads as a result of this article. Welcome! Take a look around and let's get acquainted.

We want you to feel at home here as we all grow together and tackle those STICKY SUBJECTS of parenting!

Over the next few days I will be posting follow up articles to the Open Letter. Many of you have messaged me with questions that I will be turning into articles that will help us all.

I am so encouraged! I truly believe we can make a difference as we educate ourselves and resist the forces trying to damage our children.

For the rest of my readers, I’ll say this:  Sexual predators are a danger for all children—those in public schools, Christian schools and homeschools alike.  No matter where your children are educated, I encourage you to learn all that you can about how to protect your kids.

If you haven't done it yet, would you help us spread this Open Letter even further by:

1. Sharing the link with several homeschooling friends

2. Forwarding the link to homeschool coop group leaders and state homeschool convention  leaders.

3. Share it with the homeschool bloggers you know.

After watching the online world this past week, I am even more convinced of the importance of this message. So number 4 would be....

4. Pray. We need the Lord's wisdom and protection. We also have many families who have contacted us who need healing from the effects of this dreadful problem of abuse.

5. So FINALLY....Get the resources you and your family need.

 If you are reading this post, we want to offer you a coupon code to receive a free Kalyn's Story DVD for your pre-teen/teen for every Unmask the Predator book you order. Use the code word "family" when you order from our store and we will ship the free DVD with your order. (Please know that we put all proceeds from our resources back into the ministry to help families!)

Talk to you next week when we handle....

How to Protect Your Kids From Predators...without Becoming Paranoid!

Image: Tom Magliery “Arrow” via Flickr Creative Commons
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Related posts:

An Open Letter to My Fellow Homeschool Parents: Sexual Predator Accusations Among Homeschoolers?  

Why We Called the Police and Why You Should Also