Archives For teen rebellion

Stormy First Week of School?

Lisa Cherry —  August 28, 2014

storm clouds 33011952_32afa56892_z Note: If this post does not apply to you perhaps you know a friend who needs some strong encouragement!

This post is for those who need a little encouragement right now.

Maybe the first week of your new school year did not go as smoothly as what you hoped. Or maybe it is even worse—it was a complete disaster!

Just this morning I was  walking in my house when a strong memory hit my mind. I remembered when my 15 year old daughter Kalyn was in the worst state after her sexual abuse. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g about my daily life became difficult.

She was Defiant with a capital D and Miserable with a capital M! (In fact, the first day of one of her semesters she protested by running away for a day!)

Let's face it. For many different reasons children can go through seasons where it feels almost impossible to have peace.

But here is my encouragement: You serve a God who is the Prince of Peace and who surrounds His people with songs of deliverance!

Draw close to Him immediately, dear parent. Do not try to figure this all out on your own strength.

He understands your disappointment and your embarrassment. And He is right there with you to bring you comfort, wisdom, and strength.

Go back and read Isaiah 61: 1-4. Take strength from those precious words of hope.

You will make it through this season of struggle. God will breakthrough with the wisdom and grace you so desperately need. Please know I am praying for you right now!

Here are some links that can help you right now to gain some fresh strength and vision.

Am I Ready for a Parenting Crisis?

Mission Accomplished: She Rebelled So Hard, But God’s Plan Prevailed

Peace in Parenting At-Risk Teens

Image: Tim Hamilton “A Storm Brewing”   via Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic

 

 

 

 

storm clouds

https://www.flickr.com/photos/22017189@N00/33011952/

 

Operation Enduring Freedom

By Lisa Cherry

When your teen explodes, and you’re facing a parental crash and burn, you’d probably prefer that it not be played out in the media for all the nation to see. 

But that’s what happened last week when the court case of a disgruntled 18 year old suing her parents was our focus. 

Perhaps this week we could focus on the healing of the same family!

We have reason for hope. The girl returned home to her family this week, as they are trying desperately to get out of the public light.

While this story has players and plots we do not know firsthand, many of us are watching families (and even perhaps our own family) dealing with these types of explosive issues.

So here is my word for the day:  Compassion.

Nobody wants to see their teen explode. Nobody plans on this kind of behavior for their kids.

And for those who suffer this pressure, we want to extend our hand of support.

Likely these parents who were thrust into the public eye are doing exactly what all of us do when we have a parental crash and burn.

They are mourning for their errors and regrets. And now they are looking for solutions and hope.

Isn't it good to know there is always hope in Jesus Christ!

He has the answers to the most complicated of relationship trials. When we come to Him in humility and trust, He, as a good Daddy, can save us...even from ourselves.

Rebellious teens are all around us. Hurting parents are right there too.

Will you join me in extending a hand of compassion? Will you stop right now and pray for those who need our support and love???

And if you are the one in tears as you read this post, know that I am praying for you today. I have been there ....and come back.

If you need a hand of support, I  would like to recommend my book, UnMask the Predators: The Battle to Protect Your Child.

God sees your pain. And He has a plan!

With Love,
Lisa

P.S.  Book Giveaway: We will be giving away a copy of UnMask the Predators to one of the readers who comments on this post.  The drawing will be held on March 21.  Click here and scroll down to comment.

Image:
DVIDSHUB "1st Marine Logistics Group "Forward" disposes of expired ammunition in Afghanistan"
License:
Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

 

Related posts:

“I’m 18, I’m an Adult, and I Make My Own Rules…”

Teen Rebellion: Helping Your Teen Overcome This Temptation

Mission Accomplished: She Rebelled So Hard, But God’s Plan Prevailed

See all of my posts about teen rebellion at my Teen Rebellion Help Page for Parents.

Gratefully linked to:
Fellowship Fridays

Faith Filled Friday
Essential Fridays

 

 

 

By Lisa Cherry

I am very grateful to the sensible judge in New Jersey this week who sided with common order! He stemmed a potential tide of  18-year-olds suing their parents.

Teenager Rachel Canning had a beef with her parents' rules. She decided to move out and then sued them for further support.

The judge denied two motions, for her private high school tuition and financial support.  Another hearing is scheduled for April 22 to deal with the teen’s demand for college tuition.

I agree with the others who commented on this case saying it would have been a terrible precedent to set.

Note in this case the girl was 18 years old. I think that was very significant.

I meet so many parents who are struggling with this I-am-an-adult-I-make-my-own-rules thing when their children approach or hit 18…. and for good reason.

We, as a culture, are providing our kids many mixed messages related to this issue. Consider the following list:

1. 18 year olds have the legal right to vote and sign other legal forms

2.  The national age for drinking is 21(though that is hotly contested). 

3.  Some 18 year olds are still in high school.

4.  Our educational systems in the US encourage students to achieve post high school degrees.

5.  Few 18 year olds who are students are financially independent.

6.  College cost containment causes many students to live at home into their twenties.

7.  The latest brain imaging studies have determined 18 year old brains are still immature for many functions, especially impulse control. 

8.  Our current health care regulations say young adults stay on parental health care policies until26.

So how do we as parents manage the "18 year old thing?"

As a parent of several young adults, I have some experience with this issue. And I would agree it deserves our careful attention.

For without a vision in place before our kids hit 18, we could accidentally tempt them to their own mutiny.

Has the 18 year old birthday brought new challenges in your home?

What have you learned about guiding our "adult teens" that might help others?

I am going to share more of my thoughts on upcoming posts.

Image #1:  Tanjila Ahmed "Yep. I'm old" Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Image #2: Dave Patten "18th birthday" Flickr Creative Commons
License: Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

 

 

*    *    *    *    *

Related Post:

Avoiding Parent Pitfall #1: Too Much Too Soon

Rebellious Teen Goes Home: But Will You Pray?

*    *    *    *    *

Gratefully Linked to:
Modest Mondays
Making your Home Sing Monday
Faith Filled Friday
Essential Fridays
Fellowship Fridays

Teen boy eyes 3384726149_b496eb7b8b

By Lisa Cherry

Many in our culture consider rebellion among our teenagers to be normal. In fact, some would say it is healthy.

But how do we as believers deal with the concept of adolescent rebellion when God clearly admonishes His people to obey?  (See Jeremiah 7:23 and 1 Samuel 15:22.)

After having raised some teenagers to mature adulthood, I thought I would share some of my best learning on the issue.  

1.  It is 100% true that teenagers, in order to be healthy adults, must separate from us. They must learn to think for themselves and make wise decisions.  (See Genesis 2:24.)

2. It is also 100% true that teenagers are not much different than us adults. They will not find righteousness, peace, and joy through a lifestyle of rebellion to authorities.

3. All human beings must learn to deal with the temptation to rebel. Hopefully, many of the learnings necessary to walk free of rebellion will be conquered in early childhood.

4. During the teen years, the need to be independent brings natural temptations toward rebellion. How an adolescent learns to conquer those temptations will determine his launching success into young adulthood.

5. Some kids have an easier time conquering rebellion temptations than others. Some will need years of assistance from us, their parents, until they conquer the inner battle.

6. Our homes must be structured to exemplify the biblical principle of Isaiah 1:19-20:

If you consent and obey, you will eat the best of the land;
but if you refuse and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.

7. We teach our kids that their mature, responsible, obedient demonstrations will earn our trust and increase their freedom. We tell them this illustration:

Son/daughter, everyone in this family wants you to be promoted to higher levels of independence and responsibility. When you come through the gates that we open for you correctly, you will be led into greater fields of freedom.But when you try to sneak over the fence by rebellion, or sneak around the edges by deceit rather than coming through the gate, you will lose. Every time. You will go back to the previous level until you are willing to come through the gate appropriately.

8. The principle of logical consequences backs up the reality of #7. For instance, if a teen rebels against a household rule of when to come home with the car because they think the rule is unfair, the car keys are not available for the next trip out.

9. Encourage, encourage, encourage..... Our kids need us to recognize the reality of this difficult temptation.  Appropriately recognize their successes at conquering the selfishness of self-will. Expect and desire every moment of success they achieve.

10. Recognize that the battle for our teens’ behavior is a battle for our teens’ souls. Pray for their salvation. Pray for their relationship with the Lord. Ask Him to woo them to His side so they will learn the same obedience that Jesus learned by suffering for each of our sins. (See Hebrews 5:8.)

How have you dealt with rebellion in your teen?  I would love to hear from you.  Leave a comment here.

Image Source: LukeNotJohn under Attribution 2.0 Generic license

*   *   *

Are you facing the challenge of rebellion with your teen?  We faced it head on with our daughter Kalyn, after she was tricked into a secret relationship with a sexual predator. 

It was the greatest spiritual battle of my life.  Let us tell you about it in our book, Unmask the Predators.

Unmasking-Cover-LRG

*   *   *

Gratefully linked to:
The Better Mom
Modest Mondays 

Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday
Making your Home Sing Monday
Top Ten Tuesday
Titus 2sdays
Women Helping Women


Kalyn Cherry Waller

By: Kalyn Cherry Waller
 
 
Have you ever had a heated discussion in your home about wardrobe choices? I know in my teen years, clothing became a source of regular disagreements between my parents and me. Often times, it became a downright ugly scene, ending with misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and rebellion mixed all together.
 
Many times there is such a disconnect between a parent's wisdom and a teen's desire to fit in, that common ground is hard to find.
 
If just the word "modesty" brings tension in your home, I encourage you not to give up on the issue. It is a hard topic, filled with sensitivities. But I believe God is able to help you guide your teen through clothing choices and even have the courage to draw the lines where the lines need drawn. I am very thankful my parents did just that!
 
Here is a great resource to help you get the conversation started:
 
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/

 

*     *     *     *     *    *

Right now we are offering our POTTS (Parents of Teens and Tweens) subscription for $15 instead of $20.  This is an annual subscription that includes ongoing support and monthly videos to help in your parenting journey.  The kit includes (1) Stick book, (1) 4-part DVD curriculum, Monthly Video Sessions, and Support from POTTS. You can find out more about our POTTS ministry HERE.

POTTS Parents of Tweens and Teens