Archives For teens

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Trust between a parent and child is critical.

Without it the whole relationship is compromised and challenged.

Kids and teens generally want their parents to trust them. They seem to recognize instinctively trust's power to control their lives.

As parents, we want our kids to be promoted into new levels of responsibility and freedom.

But we are very quick to recognize that trust is the only real pathway to freedom.

When our children make errors, trust is injured and consequence result.

Sometimes the level of trust violation is so deep that serious changes must occur.

Kids who are found with drugs, or who sneak out the bedroom window alter their own destinies.

But we as their parents are never to give up on them....even if they have greatly disappointed us by their foolish choices.

Here are 8 possible things to say when trust has been violated:

1. Trust has been injured, but trust can be rebuilt.

2. Trust is injured in an instant, but can be rebuilt over periods of time.

3. Though the trust aspect of our relationship has been damaged by your actions....the love aspect of our relationship is 100% intact and sure.

4. I love you too much to allow you to hurt yourself like that again therefore we will need to make this adjustment in our family policies:_____________

5. When I am convinced of your sincere repentance (not just your sorrow that you got caught), we will begin down the road to restoration.

6. I believe the Lord will restore what has been loss here if we will give Him the opportunity to work in our hearts.

7. In this family, promotion comes when trust is earned. If you want promotion, you must choose the pathway of trustworthy, right choices.

8. I am anticipating you will make some errors along the way to growing up. I am sure we can agree that this was a significant error. But I believe in the man/woman God is calling you to become. I have already seen the potential in you! We will get past this with God's help.

Parents, do not be too quick to restore privileges that have been lost because of trust violations. Give your kids the gift of integrity. They may not thank you on the spot! (In fact, they may wail and cry!)

But later on, they will respect your wise parenting...and maybe even come back to thank you!

Lisa

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Related posts:
“Don’t You Trust Me to Drive?”
“You Don’t Trust Me”…Responding to Teens on Internet Use

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How would you like your kids to use their phones to exchange texts, photos and videos anonymously with random strangers within your community?

Unfortunately, there’s an app for that… in fact, quite a few.

One of our Frontline Moms sent me Kira Lewis’ very helpful post The Worst Apps for Kids

Keeping up with teenagers and their apps can be a daunting task! I loved getting this simple-to-use list.

After all, most parents do not have time to keep up on all the new apps....that are springing up constantly. But rest assured, our kids learn about them very easily.

There are even apps that hide apps, so that parents cannot see what apps their kids have!

Here’s an important key: Get into your kids’ phones’ settings and assign a password so that they will not be able to download any apps without your permission. Kira tells us how to do this in her post.

Image Credit: Caroline “Maddie” via Flickr Creative Commons
 License: Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

 

 

Strong Teens are Standing Up!

Lisa Cherry —  October 12, 2014

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Every time I see a piece of good news in the midst of this invisible spiritual culture war (like the blog post here), I think we should celebrate!

When the school district said that Christian children could not have a Bible club, some of our Christian teens stepped forward to make a difference. I am so proud of them! Are you?

It is not easy to face the resistance of anti-Christian bias as an adult… much less as a child or teen. But these kids did it!

Some of us who read this blog have teenagers and children who are willing make a bold stands for Jesus. Our kids are willing… But some are timid.

What can we do right now to give our kids courage to stand against the tide of lawlessness? I have asked myself that question many times lately.

I thought of three things:

1. Set an example of boldness myself

2 Pray fervently for the power of the Holy Spirit to strengthen my family

3. Provide them with real live role models and up-to-date worldview training

When you see stories about our young ones standing strong for Jesus will you send me the links? I think it's time we all celebrate!

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I saw this Huffington Post article last week:

When Your Teen Wants to Have Sex in Your Home

Surely the article title was a trick, I reasoned.

But it wasn't a trick.

The author was actually proposing that parents allow their teens to invite their "partners" to sleepover.

The author proposed a list of questions the "wise" parent should consider before agreeing to the sexual contact arrangement such as....

"How well does your child know his or her partner? Is it a happy, committed relationship, or just a fling? Can your child handle the emotions of a sexual relationship? Are they putting themselves at risk of a sexually-transmitted disease or pregnancy? And...

Do they really want to have sex?"

Ok. Where do I start? Or...do I really need to start?

As I pondered this sad state of our current parenting culture, I wondered how this advice could be popular enough for even Huffington Post.

And I immediately thought of 4 reasons:

1. Parents themselves are living in such sexual sin that they do not feel they can say "no" to their kids without being hypocritical.

2. Parents do not know what science has proven about the immature impulses of the adolescent brain

3. The modern "rights" and "entitlement" philosophies are overrunning parental common sense.

4. A Biblical worldview is so far from what today’s parents see as normal that it would not be even be considered. It has either been discarded as outmoded, or it was never even on their radar screen.

So.... are we are now sufficiently warned?

If we are currently raising teens, maybe we had best understand our own peers—not just our kids' peers.

The parents or our kids’ friends are exposed to this convoluted reasoning. And some are embracing it.

We must not give in to the peer pressure!

But we must realize that a parent of our child’s friend may be agreeing to their teen’s request to a sleepover without even discussing it with us. Some might consider it “bad form” to break confidence with their teen.

Are you as alarmed as I am?

Please take time to read Barrett Johnson’s When Your Teenager Wants to Have Sex in Your Home: A Biblical Response. His article is an excellent resource of reasoning on this topic.

We are in the middle of a culture war and I am not going to sit on the sidelines. I’ve written about this in my book Not Open: Win the Invisible Spiritual Culture War, which I coauthored with my son Lucas.

Have you read it yet?

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Here is what one reader said recently after she bought it for her family:

"I read Not Open this week. Thank you ! Thank you!!!! This book needs to be in the hands of every parent.

We are at war, and it's so easy for the truth to get lost in the culture.

God bless you and thank you for listening and praying, and for investing in the lives of other parents.

- Kathy (Alabama)

 

 

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 Gratefully linked to:
Modest Mondays
Mom2Mom
Wedded Wednesday

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It was one day from my beach vantage point that I began contemplating how each of my kids will be entering into a new season this fall…

…simply because they are one year older.

I am keenly aware that back to school time is almost here.

In one sense that is exciting, but I must admit I have loved the opportunity for more relaxed days that allowed me to breathe easier and look at life from some new perspectives.

It was in this pondering posture that I asked myself a question:

"Lisa, what intentional conversations do you need to have with each of your kids as we turn into the new season?"

Many thoughts hit my mind, but five common themes rose to the top of my list.

Please note that as I share these topics you might be tempted to say to yourself, "Lisa, I have already had that talk."

Over the years I have learned an important truth: We parents think we "covered it" but our kids often say they don't remember!

I used to think that was because of selective amnesia. But actually I think it is more because of the phenomenon of growth. They hear a topic at one age....but they need it updated at the next age!

Here is my first of 5 today. As you ponder how to address this issue with each of your kids, I will share with you some thoughts and tools.

And then would you do me a favor? Would you comment back to us about how your conversation went? We can all grow when we share our collective experiences!

Conversation #1: Pornography

Here are some facts about porn:

*The average age of first exposure is 9 or 11, depending on which study you cite.

*Pornographic images in an adolescent brain are considered more addictive than many drugs.

*Nearly 9 out of 10 college age men and one third of college age women report using pornography.

 I am not an expert on this  topic.  So I am going to lean on some friends of mine who have taught me a lot.

Here are your tools:

Free E-Book: Your Brain on Porn

5 Mistakes Parents Make When It Comes to Talking About Porn

When your child is looking at porn

Caution: don’t think you can ignore this topic.  You may think you can insulate your child from porn. I have spoken with many Christian parents who were shocked to find their child was deeply mired in porn use. Even highly alert parents have wept telling how they intended to shield their children from this. 

I challenge you to have another talk with your kids about porn now.

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